


Scarlet Strands

by yoshiyuki



Series: Knots [3]
Category: BUCK-TICK, Der Zibet (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Creampie, Cuckolding, Finger Sucking, Fist Fights, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lingerie, M/M, Missionary Position, Mutual Pining, Nipple Licking, Past Sexual Abuse, Pining, Prostate Milking, Restraints, Rimming, Sexual Violence, Slurs, Swearing, Trauma, Undressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:33:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 36,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoshiyuki/pseuds/yoshiyuki
Summary: So, no one died.
Relationships: Issay (Der Zibet)/Sakurai Atsushi
Series: Knots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1379311
Comments: 47
Kudos: 30





	1. 0

A quiet, constant beep filled Atsushi’s ears, piercing through the thick fog in his mind as it began to clear. He cracked his eyes open. Or at least, he tried to before promptly squeezing them shut again. The blinding white lights and the dryness in his eyes made it hurt too much to open them fully.

Shying away from the light, Atsushi turned his head to the side and tried to shift onto his stomach. Unfortunately, that also hurt. The more he tried to move, the more aches and pains from all over his body screamed at him to stop. So he did.

A familiar husky voice reached his ears, "Acchan?"

Atsushi tried to open his eyes again, this time forcing himself past the discomfort to see who it was. He hoped it was Issay. But a small voice in the back of his head whispered that it wasn't possible. It didn’t sound like Issay anyway.

Shoving that thought away, Atsushi turned away from the light, hoping to find a darker, less glaring spot but his body ached when he moved too quickly. Resigning himself, he took a while to let his eyes focus and eventually, a blurry figure hovering over him came into view. He knew that silhouette. The voice in his head was right. It wasn't Issay.

"Acchan? Can you hear me?"

Swallowing his disappointment, Atsushi nodded slowly while he continued to let his eyes adjust. He knew he should greet him but more than anything, he had a burning question he absolutely needed an answer for. Parting his dry, almost-cracking lips, Atsushi croaked, "Issay…?"

"I'm not Issay,” came the gentle denial. “I'm Yuta."

Atsushi furrowed his brow. He was annoyed despite the soft tone. He knew it wasn’t Issay. He knew it was Yuta. It was obvious enough to him. Scrunching his face up, Atsushi tried to ask for Issay again, hissing softly, "Where…?"

"We're in the hospital," Yuta answered. "You've been out for a week now."

Atsushi’s panic upon hearing the news outweighed his frustration at being misunderstood. A week?! Why had he been unconscious for a week? If he had been here this whole time, where was Issay?

Focusing his eyes on Yuta, Atsushi swallowed again, attempting to smoothen out his dry throat before trying to ask once more. "Issay… where?"

"Ah… he's… um…"

"I want… to see him," Atsushi rasped. Without waiting for an answer from Yuta, he proceeded to exert his strength against the bed he laid in, forcing his body to sit up.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Yuta hastily made Atsushi lie down again. It seemed almost effortless for the petite man. "You can't move!" Yuta coaxed urgently, worry written all over his face. "You're in no shape to go anywhere."

Lying on the bed, Atsushi fought against Yuta's efforts. "Take me to him," he demanded. "If you don't want me to move, then take me to him. I need to see him," he insisted.

"I… I can't," Yuta reluctantly sighed with chagrin while persisting.

Atsushi furrowed his brow at Yuta in confusion. That didn't make sense. Yuta was able-bodied. Why couldn't he?

Struggling to grasp this strange situation, Atsushi took a while to find his words, which weren't much, to begin with. "Why not?!" Atsushi's voice cracked.

"He's not here," Imai's flat answer came from behind Yuta. He had just entered the room along with doctors and nurses who quickly approached Atsushi and immediately set to check his condition.

Despite the medical staff getting in the way, Atsushi noticed Yuta giving Imai a warning stare and his heart immediately started sinking. "Where is he?" Atsushi asked them, his voice barely a whisper. He suddenly dreaded the answer

Yuta swallowed and exchanged a look with Imai. "He's…"

"He's what?" Atsushi pressed. The silence which ensued only added to his distress. Was the truth so terrible that no one wanted to let him know? Wrought with fear Atsushi raised his voice and demanded, "Tell me!"

"Please remember not to agitate the patient," the doctor suddenly ordered sternly. "He needs all the rest he can get."

Imai grimaced and sighed before asking, "What's the last thing you remember?"

The last thing? Atsushi squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head while the nurse checked his vitals. The last thing he remembered… Recalling was hard, but the memories slowly returned.

Whispering to himself, Atsushi began, "Issay… He picked me up. We were… in a car…"

"And?" Imai probed.

Atsushi scrunched up his face. Why was it so hard for him to remember? Just then, his mind started to work as if responding to his frustration. Atsushi remembered Issay reaching into his pocket and producing a ring. He remembered the smile on Issay's face as he proposed, the way he held him and kissed him oh-so-softly, putting the ring on his finger, holding him close, and then…

It felt as if Atsushi's mind went blank as he uttered, "We were in a car… crash."

A sudden wave of urgency flooded energy into Atsushi's body. The aches and pains that hindered him earlier disappeared as he shoved the nurses away in his rush to stand up. He wanted to get off the bed but felt a painful tug on his arm. He looked down. The IV drip.

Yuta and Imai's voices sounded far away as Atsushi reached down, intending to rip it out of his arm, but just then, the nurses put their hands on him. They pushed him back down onto the bed and held him there while another nurse came into view. When did she come in? It didn't matter. He just needed to free himself of all these people. He needed to see that Issay was well after the accident.

Single-mindedly fighting against them, Atsushi barely registered the hospital staff's words. He was determined to get to Issay. He must be somewhere in this hospital. After all, they were in the same crash.

"Atsushi!" Imai's voice caught his attention, effectively making him pause. When their eyes met, Imai gave him a stern look as he said again, "Issay is not here."

Just as Atsushi felt his heart crumbling to pieces, a sharp pain in his right forearm snatched his attention away; they were injecting something into him. Was he being sedated? 

As he tried to yank himself free, Atsushi screamed at Imai and Yuta. "Just take me to him! Please!" he begged. "I need to see him!"

"He's no longer around," Imai repeated, coming closer with a pitying look in his eye while Atsushi fell under the effects of the sedative.

"Why won't you let me see him?!" Atsushi moaned. With tears welling up in his eyes, he could feel the drug clouding up his mind. He shook his head. He can't sleep. Not now. He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to see Issay.

"Because he's gone," Imai sighed. "He's. Not. Here."

As Imai's words slowly sank in, Atsushi slowed and stared at the man, tears rolling down the sides of his face while he struggled to accept what he said. That couldn't be true. Issay couldn't have left again. He promised to stay by his side. He wouldn't go against his word. Unless… Unless Imai was trying to soften the blow that Issay… was…

Slowly losing consciousness, Atsushi could sense Yuta joining Imai by the side of his bed to tuck Atsushi in. Atsushi shifted his heavy-lidded eyes to Yuta, hoping to spot a sign on his face while hinted at Imai bluffing, but instead, all Atsushi could see was regret as Yuta mumbled, "I'm sorry, Acchan."

"Tell me he's lying, Yuta," Atsushi slurred. Something in the back of his head told him that it was pointless to ask but he had to. He needed to know for sure. Not an inch of him wanted to believe this.

"I'm sorry, Acchan," Yuta repeated. "He's truly not here anymore."

Atsushi wanted nothing more than to hide away from the world. Why did it feel as if the drug took an eternity to act now when he felt like this? Like there was nothing in the waking world left for him? Atsushi let out a pained sigh as his chest tightened, as if something was squeezing his heart when his eyes fixed on the ring which still sat on his fourth finger.

"Last I saw him was two days ago. He was seated right here, next to your bed, watching you," Imai informed.

Atsushi barely had the energy to reply now. Instead, all he did was stare silently at the empty chair by his bed. Was Issay alive then? But… if that's true, why would he leave?

"He asked if we would look out for you," Imai added. "He didn’t say anything else aside from that. He seemed too deep in thought to hold any sort of conversation."

Look out for him? Why wouldn't they? Atsushi closed his eyes. He didn't have the strength to keep them open anymore. Nothing made sense. "He couldn't have left me," he mumbled.

"Acchan…"

"Find him for me?" Atsushi asked softly as the idea took hold in his mind. Just the mere thought of it gave him some hope to cling to. "That's what we… good at, right? Find… people?" he managed.

"Well… That's true but…" Yuta exchanged a glance with Imai.

"Please…?" Atsushi pleaded as another tear rolled down his cheek. "… last thing… ever ask…… please?"

Imai let out a heavy sigh and looked down. Shaking his head, he pulled out his phone and turned away, leaving the room. Was that a no?

Atsushi managed to look at Yuta as he felt another tear fall. He could feel the final strands of his consciousness slipping away. He couldn't hold on any longer. "I… beg-"

"No, no. You don't have to," Yuta shook his head as he patted Atsushi's hand. "I'll talk to Imai," he promised.

"Thank you," Atsushi breathed, feeling dampness on his face even as his eyelids weighed shut for now and finally, sleep claimed him.

Drifting in the darkness, nothing came to mind but yet, Atsushi did not find the peaceful rest he hoped for. Instead, he was tormented by his emotions; his despair at losing Issay, the loneliness from the thought of being without him, the hollow pain that Issay might have abandoned him because of what had been inflicted on him. And it felt neverending.


	2. 1

Gentle sunlight filtered through sheer day curtains as it shone down on Issay lying on the sofa. He had a book in his hand, Atsushi lying with him in his arms, and their two glasses of wine sitting an arm's length away on the coffee table next to them. Relaxing in a comfortable haze, Issay could hear soft music playing in the background to the hum of an electric fan oscillating, circulating the warm, humid air in the living room. This was perfect. There was nothing more Issay could ask for.

Admiring the head of messy black hair on his chest, Issay hugged Atsushi tighter and kissed the top of his head. Atsushi breathed in deeply, shrugging his shoulders as he exhaled and mumbled, "Issay…"

"I'm here," Issay responded softly, burying his face in Atsushi's hair.

"Where are you?" Atsushi asked, his voice cracking. He didn't seem to have heard Issay. Perhaps he was sleep talking.

"I'm right here, my love," Issay assured, rubbing Atsushi's back in slow circles. "I'm right here."

"You promised you'll never leave me," Atsushi went on as he clutched Issay tighter.

"Yes," Issay whispered, hugging Atsushi with both arms now. "I'll never leave you."

"Then why did you?"

"Huh?"

Issay's whole world flipped, turning as if something rammed into the house from its side. Things started flying all over the place. Issay, too, found himself airborne, briefly losing his hold on Atsushi. The long fringe which covered Atsushi's face flew aside, revealing bruises which marred his porcelain skin. Blood trickled down from his hairline, streaking down Atsushi's face in the exact same way as that fateful day.

Issay felt a hard impact against his shoulder, stunning him slightly as he was rudely woken up to the glaring afternoon sun. He found himself on the carpeted parquet floor and he quickly scrambled to his feet, spinning around as he searched the living room for Atsushi. All his senses told Issay that Atsushi was here. He could still feel his warmth, smell his scent, sense his presence… but a small voice in the back of his head reminded Issay of reality; Atsushi wasn't here. Despite everything he sensed, Issay was still alone.

That familiar pang of emptiness gnawed at Issay again. Feeling drained, he shuffled back to the sofa and stared at the single glass of wine on the table. He was alone.

Issay's legs gave out under him and he dropped onto the floor, sitting at first but eventually, that too required too much effort for him. Falling to his side again, Issay lay on the timber floor, finally feeling the dull ache in his shoulder while his mind continued to reel from the fresh bout of pain and loss that he had been dealt. There wasn't much Issay could do about this except to remind himself that he chose this of his own accord.

"Issay!"

Issay sat up quickly, eyes wide open as he listened out for that call again. Had he begun to imagine things again? Or was that truly Atsushi's voice he heard?

Issay could hear distant laughter coming from outside the house. He frowned, sceptical. It sounded real enough but logically speaking…

"Issay!"

The second call sounded louder, clearer. It was distinct enough to jolt Issay to his feet, send him out the back door, and towards the beach and its warm sands and sea. He ran at full sprint, eager to find the source of the voice, his Atsushi, but when he broke through the shade of the trees which separated the house from the beach, the sandy shores were empty.

Under the sun Issay stood, straining his eyes and desperately looking all around him in search of a sign that he was not alone. Sure, entry to this island was barred to all except the handful of locals and a few others and sure, this was a private beach but there were no physical boundaries out at sea cutting off access. Perhaps Atsushi found his way here. Perhaps someone brought him here. Perhaps he was out here, somewhere. Perhaps Atsushi had always been by his side.

Issay felt the sand against his forehead as a splitting headache shot through his head and forced him to his knees. This was too much. It was too much. He couldn't breathe. But he could feel the tide coming in. He could feel the cold water washing over his forearms covering his head. He could feel it soaking through his hair and thin linen blouse as he knelt in the sand. Maybe he could stay here. He could let himself get washed out to sea. Maybe he would be brought back to where Atsushi was. Or maybe he could just drown and end it all.

A hard tug on the back of Issay's collar suddenly pulled him out of the rising water. Helplessly falling back onto the wet sand, Issay squinted his eyes against the bright sunshine and turned a little further to his left to look up at the person who interrupted his misery. It was Haru, an ex-colleague who had been assigned to be his watcher.

"I really can't leave you alone for any longer than an hour, huh?" Haru fumed.

"Leave me be," Issay moaned, covering his face with an arm. "I can't do this anymore."

"Quit that for goodness' sake," Haru huffed, effortlessly dragging Issay up the beach through the soft sand despite his limp. "You do this every other day."

"Just let me burn in this scorching sun or drown in those stupid crystalline waters-"

"Quit your whining," Haru chided as he went along. "You don't hear me crying about my crippled self, do you?"

"You don't understand at all," Issay groaned, letting himself get pulled through the sand and the patchy grass.

"Yeah, yeah. Pull yourself together," Haru huffed, lightly smacking his walking stick into Issay's side.

"There's no reason to," Issay lamented, lying in the shade of the trees as Haru let go of him.

"Well, I'll give you a reason to," Haru said as he stuck his walking stick into the ground. "You've got visitors."

"I… I, what?" Issay sat up and twisted around to look at Haru.

"Have _ visitors _ ," Haru hissed with emphasis. "Come on now, get inside," he waved his stick at Issay.

"I have visitors?" Issay muttered with disbelief. "Are they inside?" He asked, slowly getting up.

"No, I told them to wait outside the house," Haru replied as Issay approached. "I'm not letting them in without either one of us around to keep an eye on them," he added and opened the back door for Issay.

Utterly mystified by the idea that he had visitors, Issay's mind was stuck on trying to think of who it might be. While preoccupied, Haru nudged him through the house, guiding the inattentive man towards the flight of stairs which led to the bedrooms on the second floor.

“I have  _ visitors _ ?” Issay asked again as Haru made him go upstairs. Stopping mid-flight, Issay turned around and pointed out, “Haru, you realise that I don’t know anyone around here well enough for them to want to visit me, right?”

“Well, but they addressed you by name,” Haru replied with a shrug. “Now go upstairs and take a shower or something before you get saltwater all over our floorboards,” he chastised as he shoved Issay.

“Don’t you think that’s suspicious?” Issay questioned.

“Yes, I do,” Haru admitted, stopping at the landing midway. “In fact, what’s even more suspicious is that I’ve never even seen them around here before,” he added. “They’re not local.”

“Then, why are you entertaining them?” Issay asked, bumping his side into the doorknob with a heavy grunt as he shuffled into his room to grab a fresh change of clothes. “Shouldn’t you be turning them away?”

“I want to find out who they are,” Haru explained. “And if they can help lead us to your brother.”

“ _ Step _ brother,” Issay corrected immediately, pointing an index finger in Haru’s direction as he made his way into the bathroom. Going in, he admitted quietly, “But that  _ is _ a good idea.”

The mere thought of a fresh lead that might bring them one step closer to apprehending his half-brother was almost enough to lift Issay’s spirits. Just almost. The constant strain of his worry for Atsushi plagued him and having been apart from Atsushi for almost a year now without any way to find out how he has been doing, it weighed on him.

Sure, this was much shorter than the previous time when Issay had to lie low for five years but back then, he could distract himself with the need to manage his meagre funds and the constant vigilance that his situation demanded. This time… This time, he was just sitting around and waiting. Waiting and hoping that one day, Issay would receive the good news that his half-brother had been caught and he could finally be free.

Issay shuddered as the cold water of the shower hit his skin and washed away the salt and sand from the beach. Part of him felt bad for Haru. For having to deal with his… meltdowns and sleepless nights and aimless wandering. For, essentially, being assigned to be his babysitter. Issay was well aware that without Haru around to enforce some sort of structure in his life, he would be much worse off now and he was grateful for Haru’s presence, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Haru resented the situation he had landed in. He couldn’t blame the man if he did. Issay hated this too.

Stepping out of the shower, Issay glanced to the sink on his right. He expected to see his reflection in the mirror above it, but he saw a blank wall instead. Issay blinked, confused for a split second before he recalled that he broke it two days ago. He pursed his lips and wiped his face in his towel as he remembered how the sight of his scar-ridden face upset him so much that day that he lost his temper.

Issay sighed as he stood in front of the sink and ran his hand through his almost shoulder-length hair, Issay turned away from the sink and started dressing quickly. There was no need to dwell when there was no mirror here. He pulled on a plain black t-shirt and got into a pair of jeans before running his hand through his hair again, following his right-side parting to let it obscure as many of the numerous lines as possible. It was strange. The doctor said so too. Cuts from shattered glass like the ones on his face tended to heal cleanly but… It was what it was.

Wrinkling his nose as he exited the bathroom, Issay found that Haru had already left the area. Perhaps he had gone downstairs to let the guests in. He should probably head downstairs then.

Dirty clothes in hand, Issay strode down the corridor and back to the staircase. But his apprehension grew with each descending step he took. Who could have come knocking on his door?

There might be trouble if it was someone who was related to his brother. Although, again, if they would bring about a new lead, that would make Issay immensely happy. Even his own ex-subordinates might be able to offer some help in that aspect. Come to think of it, how were Otsuka and Mizunaga? Issay had managed to save Mizunaga at the same time as when they went for Atsushi, but he wasn't able to get in touch with them before he had to leave.

Issay sighed as he walked across the kitchen on the first floor. He just hoped that they hadn't been too affected by his new disappearance. It worried him especially since they had their own families.

Issay could feel the crease in his brow as he tossed his clothes into the washing machine. On the other hand, what if the visitor was… Atsushi?

Issay's heart immediately started racing at the thought of seeing Atsushi again. If Atsushi had found him, he was ready to do anything to convince Haru to let the man stay. But at the same time, Issay had a feeling that Atsushi probably hated him. After all, he had left Atsushi right after promising him that he would never leave him again. And with his face like this… 

Issay subconsciously put a hand over the right side of his face and sighed again. He didn't want Atsushi to see him like this. He wasn't a pretty sight with the scarring and the damaged skin. He wouldn't be surprised if Atsushi was repulsed. He could understand.

"Hey, you coming?" Haru's voice entered the kitchen, snapping Issay out of his thoughts.

Dropping his hand, Issay closed the lid of the washing machine and nodded, "Yeah, I was about to."

Issay took a deep breath and headed to the living room. He didn't know who he was going to meet but whatever happens, he just had to deal with it. Like he always had.


	3. 2

_ Three months ago _

Imai briskly strode along, passing the old, low-rise buildings which lined this particular street. The whole district belonged to them. Them, as in, the Takasaki Group. It was just one of those areas in the outskirts that they bought over some years ago when the original residents began filtering out, leaving this place to turn into a ghost town.

The lack of residents meant the district served well for their clandestine meetings, but some of the younger generation appears to be returning. Perhaps they sought a place of their own and the emptiness here looked like space for them to them. Imai had no idea why they would choose _here_ of all places, though. Yet despite how rural it was, they did anyway. Because of that, there was construction or refurbishment going on inside of every other building Imai passed. Even if they lost a meeting place, this meant well for the Group; there was a growing demand for leasing in this area.

Money-wise, it was great. Sakurai even took up the role of landlord since he moved out of his downtown apartment to hide away in one of the wide, two-storey buildings here. Not that he wanted the role. In fact, he moved here to find some semblance of peace and quiet after that whole… incident. But that quickly turned into his sudden decision to 'retire'. With this area’s growing popularity, though, Sakurai might be on the verge of losing it. Although, from what Imai had heard, the tenants typically left Sakurai to himself. Maybe it could still work out for him.

Navigating by memory, Imai eventually found the building where Sakurai now resided. It looked like a whole building split in exact halves with a wall in between the left and right side. Approaching it, Imai noticed that the left side had some modifications made to it. The first floor now had large windows which made it reminiscent of a café front. Huh. Last he remembered, Sakurai lived on the left side. What was Sakurai up to? In comparison though, the right side of the building barely changed.

Walking up to the left-side door, Imai rapped a particular series of knocks on it. He waited a moment, almost thinking that perhaps he should’ve gone to the right-side instead before he heard several clicks and slides from the locking mechanism. It took a moment, but eventually, the door swung ajar.

Imai expected the door to open a little more, to be greeted, but it seemed as if nothing else was going to happen if he continued standing there at the door. Confounded by the lack of response, he frowned and pulled the door wider, stepping into the building.

According to what Imai remembered, the first floor was supposed to be a living room, but in line with what he noticed earlier, he now saw a few square dining tables spaced evenly apart over the cleared-out floorspace; the first floor looked ready to be an operational eatery of sorts. There was no change to the kitchen at the back, although there was now some sort of bar counter separating the kitchen from this seating area. Imai hummed to himself, amused and curious about the changes. Where was Sakurai, though?

"Acchan?" Imai called out, hoping to hear a response. Instead, he heard a sharp intake of breath followed by a dull clatter from upstairs.

Without a second thought, Imai dashed up the staircase on the right side of the room, taking two steps at a time. In his haste, Imai almost tripped over one of Sakurai's cats, a long-furred one. He took that as a good sign. It meant that its owner should be somewhere nearby. But the second floor was completely empty save for some cat towers and crates. Like downstairs, it was dark except for where the outside street lights shone in through the windows on the far side. It looks like Sakurai wasn’t here.

Then, Imai noticed that the door in the back which to the right side of the building was left open. He briskly made his way to it and went through to the other side. Only then did he finally spot white light streaming out through another open door on the left. Sitting in that light was another one of Sakurai's cats, a grey striped tabby looking into what appeared to be the bathroom.

"Acchan?" Imai called again, approaching the light.

"What?" Sakurai hissed angrily from inside. He didn't sound happy. That wasn’t new.

"What are you doing?" Imai asked, unperturbed by Sakurai's tone as he peered through the gap and pushed it wider.

"Nothing," was Sakurai's answer despite applying surgical tape over a square gauze pad on his cheekbone.

"What the fuck happened?!" Imai questioned, immediately incensed at the sight of it. Staring at Sakurai through the bathroom mirror, he could now see the cut lip and bruised brow on the other side of Sakurai's face.

"Nothing," Sakurai repeated as he turned away and started putting away the first aid kit which sat on the closed toilet seat.

"This isn't nothing!" Imai retorted, slamming the side of his fist into the wall.

Sakurai didn't react to Imai's exclamation. He simply carried on packing the first aid kit with indifference.

"Atsushi!"

No reaction.

"What happened to you?!"

Sakurai snapped the box shut and shot Imai a look. "Nothing."

Imai blocked the entrance as Sakurai moved to leave. Sakurai glared at him. "Who did this?" Imai asked, his voice low.

Sakurai held Imai's stare and answered flatly, "No one."

As Imai scoffed, Sakurai pushed past him and picked up his grey tabby. "You can't expect me to believe you punched yourself in the face and gave yourself a split lip," Imai fumed, following Sakurai to the left-side building while being ignored. "What do you think Issay would say about this?!"

That finally got a reaction out of Sakurai. Turning on his heel, Sakurai marched back to Imai, index finger out as he pointed and growled, " _ Don't _ . Bring him up."

"Do you think Issay would sit by and let this happen?" Imai continued his taunt.

"He's not here, is he?!" Sakurai yelled, startling his cat in the process. Watching his cat leap out of his arms, Sakurai seemed taken aback by himself, freezing as his eyes followed the retreating figure of his cat. Gasping slightly as he took shallow breaths, a different kind of tension visibly came over Sakurai. When his eyes met Imai's again, they were no longer cold and hard. Instead, they were drenched in sorrow as he swallowed and repeated with a shaky voice, "He isn't here, is he?"

"But if he was," Imai said, softening his tone, "what do you think he'd feel about this?" he asked, gesturing at Sakurai's face. "Do you think he'd be happy to see you like this?"

Sakurai sucked in a breath and turned away, dragging his feet as he shuffled to the stairs. Softly, he muttered, "Why should he care?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Imai asked back in confusion, following Sakurai again.

"He left me, didn't he?" Sakurai whispered.

"But not before asking me to look after you," Imai reminded.

"So he wouldn't have to."

"Atsushi, what's gotten into you?" Imai asked. The way Sakurai was acting was completely out of character. It was giving Imai an uneasy feeling in his gut. "You know that's not true."

"But that’s the reality, isn't it?" Sakurai sighed. Reaching the first floor, he somehow picked up an orange cat along the way. "He's not coming back," he added as his voice cracked.

"We just haven't found him-"

"You won't find him," Sakurai cut in, shaking his head as he put the first aid kit on the bartop counter. "He doesn't want to be found. And even if you do find him, he won't come back," he went on with downcast eyes. "That's just the way he is," Sakurai added softly.

"Acchan…" Imai didn't know what to say. After all, something in the back of his mind told him that Sakurai was probably right.

"Why are you here, anyway?" Sakurai sighed, his shoulders sinking.

"I wanted to tell you that we found a new lead," Imai answered as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. It was probably pointless to say this now.

"Don't bother following it," Sakurai said, his voice barely a whisper. He sucked in another breath that sounded suspiciously like a sniffle. "He won't come back anyway," he repeated.

"Acchan, you can't really believe that."

Silence followed Imai's question. An uncomfortably long and tense one. The lack of ventilation on this lower floor didn't help either. From where he stood, Imai could see Sakurai's white-knuckled grip on the first aid kit, clenching and unclenching while the cat purred quietly; the only sound which prevented complete silence.

"Just… leave," Sakurai eventually whispered. He sounded exhausted now. "Leave me alone."

"Acchan-"

"Go," Sakurai insisted, more forcefully before immediately softening his tone and adding a soft, quiet, "please."

Imai let out a sigh of resignation, shaking his head as he turned to the main door. Hand on the knob, he said, "Take care of yourself, will you?"

Sakurai merely let out a soft, noncommittal grunt. At least that was better than no response.

Without saying another word, Imai pushed the knob down and left the building. He stepped into the considerably cooler night air and started walking back to his car with footsteps as heavy as his heart after the worrisome meeting with Sakurai. 

Imai could not have guessed that Sakurai’s psyche had deteriorated so much over the past few months. He thought back to the messages they exchanged and short calls they had throughout this time, trying to find some sort of clue that Sakurai wasn’t doing well, but nothing alluded to it. Then again, Sakurai was someone who hid things well. 

Although Imai couldn't change the state of Sakurai’s spirit, he knew what he had to do. In the beginning, he was reluctant to go along with Sakurai’s wishes, but now, it looked like fulfilling it was the only thing that had any chance of bringing the old Sakurai back. He needed to, no,  _ had _ to find Issay and bring him back, no matter the cost.


	4. 3

Issay froze upon entering the living room. He could barely believe his eyes. Seated on the sofa by the coffee table were two men whose faces he knew well; Hisashi and Hidehiko. What were they doing here? How did they find him? More importantly, if they were here, does this mean that… Atsushi… too…? Heart in his mouth, Issay immediately cast his eyes about, searching. It didn’t look like there was anyone else in here but could Atsushi possibly be outside?

Just as Issay started towards the main door, Hisashi spoke up, “He’s not here.”

Issay ignored the man and swung the door open. It didn’t make sense. Why would they bother coming here without Atsushi? After all, the only one in their group who had any real business with him was Atsushi. Stepping outside, Issay was greeted by a rental car parked in the driveway. He stopped and listened, looking around; nothing stirred except for the leaves in the breeze.

Eyes on the car, Issay hopped down the stairs of the front porch and sprinted towards it. Even from afar, he could tell that it was empty, but he simply had to confirm it for himself. He peered through the windows, checking the backseat and the floorboards, hoping that Atsushi might just be hiding there for whatever inane reason. But the car was indeed empty.

Issay could feel his heart sinking as he turned to circle around the house. That small voice in the back of his head had returned, whispering that Atsushi wasn’t here while Issay continued searching the underbrush surrounding his beach house until a thought suddenly came to him; maybe Atsushi was in the house all along. Maybe he just wasn’t in the living room earlier on.

Hopes buoyed again by that possibility, Issay ran up to his backdoor and barged indoors… to the same disappointing scene of Hisashi and Hide on the double-seater couch. Haru quietly sat on the side with an unreadable look on his face. He probably didn't have a single clue as to why Issay was acting like this.

"Why are you here?" Issay asked curtly, turning to his guest as his mood started tanking drastically with the reality that those two were here without Atsushi sinking in.

"To bring you back with us," Hisashi replied flatly.

"I  _ can't _ go," Issay scowled.

"What do you mean 'you can't'?" Hisashi snapped back.

"Don't you think I would've already gone back myself if I could?" Issay retorted.

"God damn it, Fujisaki," Hisashi stood up. Pointing angrily in some random direction, he began, "Acchan needs you-"

"I asked you to look after him," Issay cut in with that reminder. "I  _ know _ he needs me but I can't be there. And that's why I asked this of you," he said, slowly making his way over. "Yet here you are-"

"I have every intention to look after Acchan but what am I supposed to do when he's blocked us all out of his life?!" Hisashi yelled.

"How is that possible when you work together?" Issay questioned, lips twitching into a sneer with his scepticism.

"He quit," Hidehiko finally spoke up.

"He what?" Issay blurted in surprise. The mere notion of it was too absurd to even consider and yet…

"He moved into the suburbs and quit," Hidehiko elaborated, taking over the conversation as he, too, stood up and nudged Hisashi aside with a look.

Hisashi bit his tongue and walked away, exhaling a heavy sigh. "I would've been able to look after him like you asked if he didn't put himself out of reach but…" 

"Why did he do that?" Issay asked, his heart clenched with worry. "Why did you let him do that? You  _ know _ he doesn't do well alone. Especially right after…" 

"He initially said he wanted to go away somewhere to clear his head or something," Hidehiko answered, lips pressed thin at the memory. “But at some point, he decided he wasn’t going to come back and-”

“You left it at that?!” Issay growled.

“We had no choice,” Hisashi cut in with a glare.

This time, it was Issay's turn to ask, "What do you mean you had 'no choice'?"

"He goes uncontactable for long periods of time," Hidehiko explained. "He wouldn't’ even open the door sometimes when we try to visit him."

"At the very least, we're in charge of the area he’s settled down in. We made sure he went somewhere which fell under our…" Hisashi paused and glanced at Haru; a sign that he was wary of the man, "… jurisdiction. For his safety."

"He may have declared his retirement but… He's still our Acchan. We can't just toss him aside," Hidehiko went on. "Anii wouldn't let us, anyway," he added quietly.

"When I paid him the first visit, he wasn't too happy about it, though," Hisashi pursued his lips and sighed. "I told him that since he wasn't answering our calls or replying our messages, we'll take turns visiting to check on him as often as we see fit," he continued with a faraway look in his eyes as if watching his memory play. "Obviously, he didn't take kindly to that so we eventually came to an agreement that we'll visit less as long as he remained contactable. He needed to if we were to tell him whether we found you, right?"

"That was late last year," Hidehiko added before Issay could question their earlier statements.

"About maybe five months ago, he started disappearing again and when I finally visited three months back…" Hisashi took a deep breath and sighed. "Let's just say things were… not great."

"Be  _ specific _ ," Issay hissed. "What's 'not great' supposed to mean?!"

"He said he's given up," Hisashi muttered with a grimace. "He's given up on the possibility of your return."

All at once, Issay began to feel sick as his breath left his body. Atsushi had given up on him? That can't be true. If it was… "Then why are you here?" Issay asked with a quiet, shaky voice. "Why are you here if Acchan said so?"

"Because I know it's not like him to say that," Hisashi declared. "In the twenty-plus years I've known him, he had never given up-"

"Maybe he's had enough," Issay mumbled, head bowed as he stumbled back to rest against the side table by the nearby wall. "Maybe he's tired of waiting for me."

Hisashi shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "No, something must have happened to make him say that," he went on. "He won't tell me but if you’d come back with us-"

"I  _ can't _ go," Issay repeated, this time brokenly. "I would love to go with you but… I can't."

"What-"

"He's under police custody," Haru finally spoke up.

Hisashi's eyes grew wide as he fell silent. He had clearly been in the dark about this.

"What do you mean?" Hidehiko asked warily in Hisashi's stead. He, too, looked surprised.

"We gave Issay an option to either be tried for organised crime and the numerous… alleged murders," Haru cleared his throat uneasily, "or join our witness protection program."

"A  _ what _ program?" Hisashi muttered with a confused scowl on his face.

"I give them information to lead them to my half-brother and in exchange, they make sure he can't get me," Issay elaborated tiredly. With what they just told him about Atsushi running through his head, he couldn’t care less for all that business now. After all, he only ever did this with Atsushi in mind.

"And you've left Acchan to fend for himself?" Hisashi seethed, accusing.

"That was  _ not _ my intention," Issay retorted angrily. "In the first place, Acchan would've  _ never _ been targeted had he not been involved with me. Doesn’t it then make sense to remove myself from his life?" he asked, lifting his head to look Hisashi in the eye. "Wasn't this what you always hoped I would do?"

Hisashi promptly looked away. "Not if it would affect Acchan like this."

"Besides, he would have all of you," Issay gestured at them with a sigh. "His and my positions are different."

"He doesn't have anyone if he pushes us all away as he does now," Hidehiko, too, sighed.

“Can’t you do  _ something _ ?” Issay implored.

Shaking his head, Hidehiko muttered to himself, “We came all the way here, found you, yet we can't bring you back.”

"Wait,” Hisashi suddenly blurted, “if you're under police custody, does that mean this place is under surveillance?"

"You must be losing your edge," Issay mumbled with a joyless laugh.

"Good god," Hidehiko muttered as he immediately marched out of the house.

"Why didn't you say so earlier?!" Hisashi accused, following Hidehiko out.

"I have other priorities," Issay smiled thinly, moving to the doorway to see them off.

"Hey, at least this wasn't entirely fruitless," Hidehiko said to Hisashi. "We did find him  _ and _ also found out why he's here."

"Would Acchan even care to listen?" Hisashi grumbled as he got into their rental car.

That was a good question. Issay quietly watched them start the car and drive away with his hopes of reconciling Atsushi's feelings. The dull thudding of a walking stick came up to him.

“So, this Acchan,” Haru began as he stopped next to Issay, “that’s the one you’ve been feeling miserable over?”

“Mm,” Issay hummed, his eyes still wistfully staring at the horizon.

"If this Acchan is so important to you, why didn't you bring him here with you?" Haru asked.

"According to the conditions stated for companions, it said that anyone I wanted to bring along had to be a blood relative, right?" Issay reminded with a sigh.

"Or a spouse, anyone who qualifies as immediate family,” Haru added.

Issay let out a heavy sigh as he turned to look at Haru with a knowing smile and anguish in his eyes. "But would they accept a man bringing a male spouse along?" he asked quietly.

Haru was visibly taken aback. "Well…" He blinked a few times and some number of expressions flitted across his face before he eventually shook his head and let out a sigh of resignation, “No…”

“The law wouldn’t even recognise it, why would they allow it?” Issay mumbled with a forced smile. As if being born into his family was not enough, even his love life was considered illegal. How ironic.


	5. 4

Atsushi wrinkled his nose at the poorly tied restraints. Among all the self-professed 'experienced' men he had cycled through during these past months, none of them had been able to meet his standards even halfway. This one, Takahashi… Atsushi watched the man digging through some bag with uninterested eyes. This one had started to do better since this was their fifth meeting, but even then… Atsushi felt the rope restraints around his right wrist loosening when he tugged again. Poorly done. Maybe this was only to be expected when he now lived in the outskirts. Barely anyone around here had tried these things on actual people before.

Atsushi sighed and stared up at the ceiling of the guestroom. At some point, these rendezvous had lost their appeal. Too many of them left him battered and completely unsatisfied. Some were… passable, at best. Even then, he struggled to think so. At least getting hurt felt cathartic. If he was going to sleep with someone other than…

Atsushi's thoughts came to a screeching halt. He didn't want to go there. He didn't want to think of…

Scrunching up his face, Atsushi shook his head wildly. He had given up. There was no reason to go there. Why wouldn't Takahashi just hurry up and start-

Atsushi's whole body froze when he saw what the man held in his hands. "I said, no blindfolds!" he yelled.

"Well, you can't refuse when you're all tied up, can you?" the man, Takahashi smirked.

"We had an agreement," Atsushi seethed as he tugged at his restraints, steadily coming loose.

"But it's not particularly  _ exciting _ without an unexpected element or two, is it?" Takahashi retorted as he climbed onto the bed. Straddling Atsushi's hips, he added, "What fun is following a set plan?"

The moment Atsushi freed an arm, he swung his fist as hard as he could and smashed it right into the side of Takahashi's face, knocking him off the bed. "An agreement is an agreement!" he screamed as he pulled his other arm free.

"You damned faggot," Takahashi snarled, getting to his feet while blood started trickling out of the corner of his mouth. Glaring, he spat on the floor and stormed forward with his hands reaching for Atsushi. "You'll pay for this," he threatened.

As Atsushi rushed to untie the ropes around his ankles, Takahashi grabbed Atsushi's arm while his other hand went for his throat. Atsushi wrenched his arm free and jabbed his elbow into Takahashi's stomach, knocking the wind out of the man.

"Don't  _ touch _ me," Atsushi growled. Done with one foot, he moved on to the next while Takahashi groaned on the floor. Atsushi could hear him recovering, though.

Right before Atsushi unknotted the ties on his other foot, he felt a hand grabbing his hair from behind. The pain made him instinctively cry out as he was yanked backwards and thrust back onto the bed. Takahashi angrily pinned Atsushi down by his shoulders. Seeing his chance, Atsushi thrust his head forwards and headbutted Takahashi's nether regions as hard as he could. He heard a broken cry followed by a whine as the man gradually rolled to the floor in pain.

Sitting up, Atsushi yanked the rope lose, finally freeing himself. He gathered everything up in a messy bundle and tossed them back into the Takahashi’s bag with an angry huff. Atsushi picked up the bag and stormed out of the guestroom, dragging Takahashi behind him by his foot.

Atsushi couldn’t care less if Takahashi hit against anything as he marched through the empty hall, making a beeline for the main door. He just wanted to get rid of this offensive man. It was a good thing he was still dressed, though. He wouldn’t have to waste time covering himself up before getting this deed done.

Upon reaching the door, Atsushi yanked it open and unceremoniously tossed Takahashi and his bag out onto the pavement. “I don’t  _ ever  _ want to see or hear from you again,” he growled, pointing a warning finger at Takahashi before slamming the door shut and locking it.

With his back against the door, Atsushi stared at the empty first-floor hall as he listened to the echoes of his door slam travelling through the building. Finally, he was alone. Again. As he had been for the past year. And now that the adrenaline had started to wane, Atsushi felt the weight of his emotions crashing down on him, bringing him to his knees in painful heaving sobs.

Lifting his head, Atsushi tried to keep the tears welling up in his eyes from falling but they defiantly streaked down his face anyway. Atsushi pressed his hands to his cheeks, angrily wiping the dampness away as he let himself fall back to sit on the floor. He slowly hugged his legs to his chest and sobbed noisily as another pang of pain stabbed into his chest.

Atsushi shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He had been able to keep this horrible empty feeling at bay for the past few months but now, it had come back with a vengeance. He had never felt this miserable before. He couldn't understand why…

Grasping at his past-shoulder-length hair, Atsushi let out a hoarse cry as more tears spilt. Why couldn't he find someone else who would love him? He just wanted someone who would treat him nicely. Sure, he did put out rather extreme requests but that didn't mean he didn't want to be treated kindly after or even during sex. Why was it that all those who responded to his postings were incapable of being even half as gentle as…

Another pang stabbed into his chest as Atsushi cried even louder. He whined and shook his head again. He didn't want his mind to go there but he couldn't help but constantly compare everything to… "Issay…" Atsushi whined softly to himself.

Speaking his name, feeling it on his lips unleashed a flood within Atsushi, pushing him to his feet and sending him sprinting across the floor, back into the guestroom. Once in, he grasped the handles of the spare wardrobe in the room and tugged it open. Atsushi crawled into a corner and pulled one of Issay's suit jackets off its hanger. He could barely see through the tears clouding his vision but what did it matter if he was crouching in the dark and crying into Issay's jacket.

Atsushi took all of Issay's things with him and kept them in this wardrobe when he moved here. He was determined to keep them aside and away but he couldn't count the number of times he sat in the small wardrobe just to surround himself with Issay's things and listen to the voice recording Issay left in his old phone for him. Which Atsushi deleted some months ago when he thought he had decided to give up on waiting. Thinking back, it was such a stupid thing to do.

Sucking in a gasp of air, Atsushi breathed in the fading scent of Issay's smokey musk which barely clung to the jacket collar after a year of the man's absence. He knew it wouldn't be long before it would completely disappear. His chest ached at the thought of losing this final remnant of Issay's presence. He felt his tears flowing out of his eyes, falling onto and seeping into the jacket.

With shaking hands, Atsushi grabbed the sleeves and put them around his shoulders. Oh, how much he wished Issay was here to hold him again. Maybe he could just pretend he was here. Imagine it with memories of Issay's voice. If he just closed his eyes… He could just hear Issay's voice humming softly, the heartbeat in his chest. He could just feel Issay's hand playing with his hair, fingers lightly brushing the edges of his ear.

"Issay…" Atsushi whimpered.

"My love."

Hearing it filled Atsushi's chest so full it felt like his heart was going to burst. He could hear Issay's low chuckle and feel his light caresses on his skin again. Atsushi sighed in delight, burying his face in the jacket as more tears rolled down his cheeks. Only this time, they were of joy.

Fingers traced Atsushi's jaw. "Let me see your face, love."

Atsushi could feel his whole being trembling with euphoria at the thought of seeing Issay's face again but when he looked up, everything was black. His body felt restricted, locked in an awkward position. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move.

Atsushi's chest grew tight with panic. He knew what was going to happen. And there was nothing he could do about it.

A hand slapped over Atsushi's mouth, silencing him before he could make a sound. More hands started to grope Atsushi while he struggled uselessly against the assault. He screamed as he felt someone entering him from behind. But no sound came out. Only more tears emerged to wet his cheeks.

While some unknown person violated him, someone removed whatever blindfold obstructed Atsushi's vision to reveal Issay standing before him, looking down at him with utter disgust as he sneered and muttered, "Filthy whore."

Atsushi screamed at him, begging him for help but Issay never heard a thing. He simply turned and walked away with indifference, effectively ripping Atsushi's heart to shreds as he left him to his suffering.

A loud obnoxious buzzing started suddenly, intruding the scene. This was weird. In fact, this had never happened before. Atsushi furrowed his brow and started groping around him in search of the source. When that yielded no results, he wearily opened his eyes and looked around the small cramped wardrobe space as the buzzing continued. Where was his phone?

Clutching Issay’s jacket to his chest, Atsushi reluctantly crawled out of the space in search of it. Eventually, he spotted his phone on the messy queen-sized bed. Atsushi reached for it and looked at the screen. “… Yoshida?” Atsushi frowned. How strange. He hadn’t heard from Yoshida in quite some time now. What could this be about?

“ _ Hello? Sakurai? _ ” Yoshida’s familiar rasp came through the receiver.

“Hello, yes, it’s me,” Atsushi replied in monotone.

“ _ Oh, thank goodness, I thought you changed your number or something, _ ” Yoshida spoke quickly. “ _ Anyway, how’ve you been? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? _ ”

“I’m… well,” Atsushi muttered.  _ Technically _ , he was.

“ _ Yeah? You sound like you’ve got a cold or something _ ,” Yoshida replied.

“No, I just…” Atsushi paused. What was he supposed to say? That he had been crying? “Yeah, just a slight cold,” he lied, changing his mind. It was easier than explaining himself anyway.

“ _ I hope you’re taking care of yourself there, _ ” Yoshida returned with an audible genuine concern.

Atsushi smiled despite himself. “I am,” he muttered. It was nice to hear someone ask about him, but that couldn’t be the only reason for this call, right? “So…” Atsushi started. “I suppose there’s a reason why you’re calling…?”

“ _ Ah, yes. I, uh, actually have a favour to ask of you, _ ” Yoshida’s tone dropped.

Atsushi raised his eyebrows, intrigued. Another rare occurrence. “What is it?” he asked.

“ _ I’m sure you’ve seen the weather reports by now, _ ” Yoshida began, “ _ that there’s a typhoon approaching. _ ”

“ … And?”

“ _ Well, apparently, it's headed right for an area where one of the assets in our custody lives and because of that, they’re scrambling to find someplace unaffiliated to us to hole him up in until it’s safe to move him back, _ ” Hikaru explained.

“Why… what do you mean, ‘one of the assets in your custody’?” Atsushi asked, confused.

“ _ Mmh… _ ” He could hear Yoshida grimace. “ _ This is a little hard to explain… Well, I guess you could say sometimes, we make deals with guys who were involved in… organised activities to get information in exchange for… a better time, I guess? _ ”

“Huh…” Atsushi had heard of something like this before. “Are you sure you can tell me this much?”

“ _ I heard you’ve retired, _ ” Yoshida justified.

“Ah.” Atsushi should have expected this. After all, word travels fast.

“ _ Which is what made me think of you when they mentioned they needed an ‘unaffiliated’ location, _ ” Yoshida added. “ _ Which… leads to the favour I mentioned; will you let us place our person with you? That is, if you have space, of course. _ ”

Atsushi paused. “ … Why me?”

“ _ Well, you  _ technically _ have no connections to us, and since you’ve retired, you’re… well, a layman. Technically. _ ”

“Right.”

“ _ And I’m sure you can handle anyone. Plus, with your reputation, no one would dare cross you, _ ” Yoshida went on.

“Do I know this person?” Atsushi asked. In his head, he could already see a list of probable faces as he tried to guess who the tattle tale was.

“ _ Honestly? I’ve got no idea myself, _ ” Yoshida confessed. “ _ I’m not directly involved with this division so I don’t know anything aside from the fact that they’re urgently looking for a secure temporary spot. _ ”

“And they asked you?” Atsushi questioned. His mind might still be hazy from his stupid recurring nightmare but his gut told him something felt weird about this situation.

“ _ Well… They’re aware of my acquaintances, _ ” Atsushi could hear Yoshida’s wry smile through the phone. “ _ Although, honestly, you’re the first person I thought of. And… probably the only person I could call. _ ”

“Mm…” Atsushi pressed his lips thin and hummed to himself. Thinking about it, he asked, “How long is this… asset expected to stay here for?”

“ _ Until the storm passes, so… probably a couple of weeks, at most, _ ” Yoshida replied. “ _ It really depends on the weather. _ ”

“Hm…” That didn’t sound too bad. This could work as a good form of distraction for Atsushi too. "And when is this supposed to commence?"

" _ They're apparently moving the asset the day after so he should arrive three days from now _ ," Yoshida detailed. " _ So, does this mean you'll help us out? _ "

"Mm… well… I  _ do _ have a spare room…," Atsushi looked around the guestroom. This should do, right?

" _ We have a fund to reimburse you for any expenses you have to incur for this stint so if you need to furnish it, just let us know, _ " Yoshida offered.

Atsushi started thinking about the empty hall outside. He usually stayed on the second floor of this side of the building, so that area was well furnished but down here… Maybe he could make use of this fund Yoshida spoke of. "Yeah, I might need to make some changes," Atsushi finally replied. "I've got a café running next door, though. Will that affect anything?"

" _ Ah, try not to let other people know about this _ ," Yoshida replied. " _ It's best that as few people know about this… program as possible. _ "

"Hm, right."

" _ We'd prefer that you confine the asset to a specific area, anyway, _ " Hikaru added. " _ I think that would be in your interest as well since doing so will keep our asset from interfering with your business. _ "

"Right…" Atsushi muttered.

" _ If all this sounds good to you, I could come over tomorrow and help you see what you need, _ " Yoshida piped up.

"Yeah… I'd appreciate it," Atsushi nodded to himself. If Yoshida was coming over then maybe… "Oh, by the way…"

" _ Yeah? _ "

"Do you… know how to get a deleted file back?" Atsushi asked softly.

" _ Deleted file? _ " Yoshida echoed, confused.

"On the phone, I mean," Atsushi specified. "I accidentally deleted something important…"

" _ Ah, I could try having a look at it for you tomorrow. That is, if you don't mind me going through your phone _ ."

"Yeah, it's fine," Atsushi nodded again, almost sighing with relief at the rekindled hope that maybe he could get Issay's voice clip back. "It's an old phone anyway. Not much in there."

" _ Alright, then. I'll see you tomorrow _ ," Yoshida promised.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Atsushi echoed.

" _ And take care of that cold, alright? _ " Yoshida added unexpectedly. " _ Have a good night. _ "

"Thanks," Atsushi said with a wane smile. "Goodnight."

Putting his phone down, Atsushi released a shaky sigh as he watched the screen fade to black. The unexpected call did well to draw his thoughts away from Issay but now that that was over… Atsushi looked at the slightly creased jacket in his hands and a longing pang squeezed his heart. Tears began welling up in his eyes again without warning as he hugged the jacket to his chest again.

A soft meow came from the side followed by a firm bump against his elbow. Atsushi looked down and sighed. “Momo…”

The grey cat replied with another meow and started rubbing his face against Atsushi’s arm.

Sliding a hand under Momo, Atsushi picked up the cat and stood up. “Didn’t I tell you not to come down here?” he scolded softly as he carried Momo out of the room. “What if those strange men are still around and I can’t move, hm?” he chastised, climbing the stairs to the second floor. “Who’s going to help you if strange men want to hurt you?”

Momo simply meowed as he listened to Atsushi’s lectures.

Upon reaching the landing on the second floor, Atsushi noticed that the door to the left side of the building, the cafe side was ajar. He huffed and looked down at Momo. “Did you do this?”

Momo looked up and meowed at him in response.

Atsushi sighed and shook his head. His cats were becoming a little too dextrous for their own good.

Going through the door, Atsushi entered the cat room and lowered Momo to the floor. Most of his other cats were lounging around the space, minding their own business while Atsushi made his way across the room towards the bay window at the other end. It overlooked the small garden he had behind the premises.

Atsushi sat down and curled up among the cushions placed there. Resting his head against the window, he brought Issay’s jacket to his face and breathed in his absent lover’s scent again. It brought him comfort but at the same time, it made his heart ache so badly. 

Atsushi glanced at his phone for the time; seven minutes past midnight. It was a long way from daybreak. He sighed as Nyan and Momo, the two cats he had the longest came up to join him. With one in his lap and one by his side, Atsushi had Issay’s jacket around his shoulders as he idly stroked their fur. He knew he probably wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. Not after that… episode. But at least here, with the cats by his side, he could dream about appreciating the stars in the sky with Issay. One day.


	6. 5

Issay usually didn't want people to know about how bad his sense of direction was but maybe this time, it might have turned out to be a good thing for him. He was being taken to a new temporary location to stay because a potentially destructive typhoon was projected to pass right over his beach house and since he did so poorly at recognising landmarks, the personnel transporting him found no need to conceal their route from him. So, Issay was free to admire the rather uniform countryside landscape passing by his car window. On second thought, he didn't expect his disability to be  _ that _ well known. It probably meant that he was so exceptionally bad or something that it became common knowledge.

The car drove over a bump in the road, jolting Issay out of his thoughts. Blinking, he watched as the driver turned and the scenery transitioned from wide, open ricefields to small roads lined with buildings on both sides. Issay truly had no idea where they were. He departed the beach on a plane to leave that remote southern island and parted ways with Haru upon arrival at a small private airport some ways away from wherever they were now. He could tell this was most certainly a small town area, though; they didn’t even get on any form of expressway once throughout the drive. 

If anything, the scenery was lovely so far. Even the buildings they passed now had their own sort of old-time charm. They probably didn’t qualify as buildings worthy of historical preservation, but they reminded him of his childhood. He felt the nostalgia hit even harder when they passed an open-air station platform. When was the last time he took a train from such a station?

Observing the pedestrians, Issay was amused to notice that although there weren’t that many people around, most of those who were looked like they were in their twenties. He would’ve expected such a place to be filled with retirees and the aged, but evidently, he thought wrong.

Would it be a problem for Issay, though? They did say that they were going to bring him to another secure location, but if it was a relatively populated area, how secure could it be? Issay furrowed his brow and pressed his lips thin. Well, as long as he stayed indoors and remained unseen, it should be fine. Probably. Besides, he was only going to stay here until the typhoon passes. He wasn't told how long he had to be here, but it shouldn't be too long, right?

The car made a few more turns, winding through the town and passing more almost-identical buildings until they came to a stop outside a cafe of sorts. There was a black and white-furred cat seated by the window, looking outside through the glass to stare at Issay. Issay blinked at it. It blinked back. Issay broke into a smile.

"We're here," the driver announced.

"Huh?" Issay blurted, confused as he craned his neck to look out the front. He thought they would bring him somewhere more remote but… "We're in the middle of a town," he stated.

"Yeah. And?"

"I thought-"

"I don't know what you expected but this is where I was told to take you," said the driver with a shrug.

The car door on Issay's side opened and a plainclothes agent who had been following in a separate car beckoned to him, "We've arrived."

Issay's confused frown deepened but he grabbed his duffle bag of clothes and stepped out of the car. He didn't really own much these days. The agents would buy anything he asked for anyway, as long as it was legal, of course. To Issay, this simply meant that he didn't have to lug a whole lot of things along with him in case of an evacuation, like in this instance. He could just ask them to buy the same things again anyway.

Standing outside the cat-occupied café, Issay had a better look at the building in front of him. It only had two floors and it seemed to have some sort of partition right down the middle of the building, separating the café side of it from the right side, which, judging by the small windows, appeared to be a residence.

An agent who was part of Issay's escort party went up to the right-side door and knocked on it three times. There was a moment of silence before a series of clicking emanated from the door. Issay heard the knob twist and watched the door swing open to reveal an interior which looked particularly dark thanks to the bright sunlight out here.

Unable to see much apart from a flight of stairs which led up, Issay couldn't quite guess what he should expect from this place. One man held the door open while two others led Issay in and one more followed behind. Issay couldn't help but wonder if they were drawing attention to themselves. They must stand out in this supposedly quiet neighbourhood.

Inside, Issay found himself in an elongated, sparsely decorated living room. Only a simple two-seater couch, an armchair, and a low coffee adorned the area. He could see a door further inside and that was all on this first level.

Issay looked behind him. The man who let them in, another agent who was sent here in advance, shut the door and stood in front of it. He heard a door opening upstairs and footsteps began making their way down the steps.

"You’re finally here," a familiar voice stated. "So, where's your-"

"Yoshida?" Issay mumbled when his ex-partner stopped in the middle of the stairs.

Yoshida didn't respond immediately. Instead, he looked up at the owner of the second set of descending footsteps who asked, "What's that look for?" 

The moment he heard that voice, Issay's jaw went slack and his heart leapt into his mouth. Did someone make a mistake? Did he actually end up at… It couldn't be, could it? Even if Issay had trouble believing it, those large soulful eyes he knew so well greeted him the moment Atsushi came into view.

Even if he barely changed, Issay could see the fatigue on Atsushi's face. His hair had grown out longer too, framing his more-prominent-than-usual cheekbones and jawline as Atsushi's eyes similarly scrutinised Issay's face in return. And Issay could feel them staring at the right side of his face; at the pale scars which marred his skin.

Instinctively covering his face with a hand, Issay turned away, angrily snapping towards an agent and growling, "Why am I here?"

"This is the temporary housing which had been arranged," the agent replied simply.

"I will  _ not _ stay here," Issay said through gritted teeth. "This arrangement defeats the whole purpose of my agreement to this business!"

"You don't have a say in this matter."

"Weren't locations to be picked according to my specifications?" Issay returned.

"In these special circumstances, there is no other choice for you," the agent replied. "It's either here, or a cell."

Issay clenched and released his fists a few times. He was dying to hit the man but that would only get him in more trouble. Issay chanced a look back at the stairs again. Atsushi was gone. And so was Yoshida. It felt like a dark cloud came over his thoughts as Issay's heart sank. They probably misunderstood his words. They couldn't have known his side of the story.

No matter how much he wanted to touch Atsushi again, wasn't it better like this, though? After all, Issay had meant to keep his distance until his half-brother had been dealt with.

Issay cursed internally. He couldn't understand what could have led to this. Was it an oversight? He thought he made his motivations clear to the right at the start. Whatever it is, Issay was only going to be here until the storm passes. This was temporary. And he didn't know whether to call it a blessing that he could see his beloved again, or a curse that Atsushi had inevitably been dragged into the equation again.

* * *

It was nighttime now. Atsushi had spent the rest of the day feeling hollow and miserable after hearing Issay's words. He didn't feel like this when he first saw Issay downstairs, though. His first instinct was to run into Issay's arms again but he paused to see what kind of reaction Issay would have first and sure enough, it proved painful.

Atsushi scoffed at himself. He was the one who said he was giving up on Issay all those months back and yet now, he was the one hurting from Issay's rejection. Although, he admittedly had only recently reverted to dwelling on Issay in these last couple of days. To think that it would manifest in Issay actually showing up. Atsushi could have never expected this, and the mere sight of the man made him feel almost euphoric and yet…

Atsushi had so many questions for Issay, though. What happened to his face, how he'd been, why he left, why he said what he just said earlier despite the sweet murmurings of the voice recording that Yoshida had managed to retrieve… It was all Atsushi had been listening to since Yoshida left his sorry ass a couple of hours ago. Thinking about it, Atsushi felt bad for Yoshida. Throughout the time he spent with Atsushi, Yoshida kept reassuring him that Issay wouldn’t change, that he would always feel the same about Atsushi, only to be met with the contradictory Issay who walked in through the door.

Closing his eyes, Atsushi drank in the bitter-sweetness of Issay's voice whispering "my love", telling him to rest and heal, how sorry he was that he had to leave, the sighs and cracks in Issay's voice as he spoke, his promises that he'd be back before Atsushi knew it. All of it brought him back to better days, but now that Issay  _ was  _ back, Atsushi could tell that something had changed.

This Issay who resided in the guest room downstairs seemed like a different man who no longer felt the same way about Atsushi. Atsushi always had a sneaking suspicion that Issay deliberately shunned him. Perhaps that suspicion was right.

Atsushi was starting to choke up on a ball of emotion. Biting his lip he swallowed it back down and breathed deeply to compose himself. He needed to know what happened with Issay. And to find out, he would have to ask the man himself and trust that Issay would tell him the truth.

Removing his earphones, Atsushi put his phone on his bedside table and sighed. He instinctively touched the cold metal of the ring on his left ring finger, the ring with which Issay proposed to him a little over a year ago. Atsushi wore it on a chain around his neck for a good while but he started wearing it on his finger again a couple of days ago after he gave in to his feelings once more. And now, he might have to take it off again.

The thought of it made Atsushi’s heart ache but it didn’t feel right to keep it if Issay didn’t want him any more. He slumped his shoulders and exhaled another pained sigh as he listened to the dull noise of his teardrops hitting the sheets. He couldn’t go downstairs looking and feeling like this. He didn’t want to give Issay any reason to pity him and placate him with lies.

Or perhaps Atsushi should wait until Issay was asleep to sneak into his room and return the ring. There would be no way for Issay to feel bad for him if he didn’t see Atsushi, right? It would make things easier for Atsushi too. If Issay was asleep, Atsushi wouldn’t have to look the man in the eye and expose how much he  _ didn’t _ want to do this.

Picking up his phone again, Atsushi looked at the time. It was nine thirty-five. Thinking back to when Issay lived with him, Issay would typically head to bed little before1 a.m. if they had nothing going on that evening.

Watching those memories playing in his mind’s eye brought another acute stab of yearning to Atsushi. Lower lip trembling, he shoved his earphones back into his ears and put Issay’s voice message on replay again. Atsushi dropped onto the bed, lying on his side as he focused on Issay’s voice and willed it to drown out the pain.

It was still too early to go downstairs anyway. He had time to waste. If only he didn’t run out of alcohol yesterday. Having some to drink would make the time pass faster. And perhaps give him that extra boost of courage he needed to tackle this. If only he didn’t have to.


	7. 6

Issay had been sitting at the coffee table by the windowsill for hours now, doing nothing but smoking cigarettes and staring at the small garden in the back of the building. Not that he had anything else to do but sit here and dwell on the events which conspired earlier that day. He didn’t expect to see Atsushi. Neither did Atsushi expect to see him. That was obvious enough by the look on his face. No doubt, Issay was happy to see Atsushi, but he couldn’t help hearing Hisashi’s words repeating in his head.

“ _ He’s given up. _ ”

The crease between Issay’s eyebrows deepened as he let out a heavy sigh. Atsushi was finally in his very vicinity but if what Hisashi said was true, was there any point in reaching out to him?

Issay removed the cigarette from his lips. Holding it between his fingers with his elbow on the windowsill, he clenched his jaw. The garden and the clear night sky were pleasant to look at but all Issay could see was Atsushi’s figure standing on the stairs, looking at him with that strange expression of apprehensive shock. He couldn’t guess what might’ve gone through Atsushi’s mind, except… 

Was it his face? Was Atsushi repulsed by what had become of his face?

Feeling his heart clench from the notion of it, Issay sucked in a shaky breath through his cigarette as he closed his eyes and scrunched up his face from the pain. But only for a moment. Despite the dampness in his eyes, he found himself chuckling with a wry grin. Well, all the better for Atsushi to move on, right? Even if it was, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.

Issay frowned even harder as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against his propped up wrist. But if that was how Atsushi truly felt, his presence would be nothing more than a nuisance. He had no idea how he was to live out his time here in Atsushi’s new home. He didn’t even know how long he was meant to be here for. Sighing, he muttered, “What am I supposed to do?”

As if on cue, the door to his unlit room clicked open. Issay lifted his head and wearily looked over his left shoulder to see Atsushi in a loose long-sleeved shirt and sweats as he stood frozen at the entrance, staring at Issay with large, stunned eyes. The moment they made eye contact, though, Atsushi blinked and looked down at the floor. “I thought you’d be asleep,” he whispered softly.

"Sleep has been… elusive, lately," Issay replied, likewise shifting his gaze away. Atsushi was always a lovely sight to Issay no matter how he looked but it was clear he didn't want Issay's eyes on him. After all, he  _ was _ hoping that he'd be asleep.

"I… I'll just…" Atsushi started to turn to leave, "come back later-"

Issay stood up hastily and blurted, "No."

"N-no?" Atsushi stuttered as he blinked at Issay in surprise.

"I mean…Don't-," Issay paused for a moment. Choosing his words, he said, "I'm asleep." Issay stubbed his half-smoked cigarette out in the ashtray and adjusted his unbuttoned shirt. "I'm asleep," he repeated and flopped onto the bed to lie on his right side with his back to Atsushi. "Do what you wanted to."

"Um…" Atsushi sounded unsure.

Lying on his side, Issay could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he listened and waited for Atsushi's move. Eventually, the door quietly clicked shut. Issay's heart sank. So Atsushi left anyway.

Then, he heard soft footsteps padding on the parquet floor. As they moved along the other side of the bed, Issay heard the light clinking of keys followed by the low scrape of a lock unlocking. Issay frowned, confused. What was that?

"The things you previously left behind," Atsushi spoke, his voice barely a whisper, "I kept them in here." There was a pause, and then a shaky sigh, "You can take them back with you if you want."

Issay remained silent. Atsushi must be referring to the clothes he left in Atsushi's room back then. He left them there because he didn't want to clean it all out and make it look like he had never been in Atsushi's home. Should he explain that? Or was Atsushi not interested in listening? 

Regardless, Issay did want to respond but he was supposed to be 'asleep'. If Atsushi was only comfortable being around him when Issay didn't have his attention on him, Issay didn't want to break that illusion for the man. At least he could quietly appreciate that this was the closest they had been to each other in over a year.

The soft footsteps started up again. Staring blankly at the patch of wall under the window, Issay expected Atsushi to leave the room but instead, he slowly approached, following along the edge of the bed until he stopped in front of the window by Issay, casting a shadow over him.

The outside lights flashed off a ring on Atsushi's fourth finger which Issay immediately recognised; the engagement ring. The sight of it made Issay's heart leap into his mouth. Atsushi was still wearing it. Had he been keeping it on all this while? Does it mean that Atsushi had been waiting for him after all? But if that was the case, then why did he tell Hisashi-

Issay's mind went blank when Atsushi's trembling fingers moved. Bringing his other hand towards the ring, he clasped it between his fingers and began to pull on it. Issay shot his hand out and grabbed Atsushi's wrist, startling the man.

Now that Atsushi was right in front of him, Issay could see his puffy red eyes brimming with tears when he looked up. The sight of Atsushi's broken expression drove a knife into Issay's heart and he could only think of one way to stop the bleeding pain.

As Atsushi's face crumbled, Issay instinctively sat up and gave Atsushi's wrist a tug, pulling the man into a tight embrace. Atsushi shook his head and emitted a strangled whine as his body tensed up against Issay. Issay wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but he wasn't about to let Atsushi go this time. Not if Atsushi truly wanted to break away. Not if this was to be the last time he could hold Atsushi in his arms.

As Issay curled his fingers into Atsushi’s hair and took the chance to caress the back of his neck, he could feel the tension gradually leaving Atsushi’s body and eventually, Atsushi, still shaking his head, buried his face in Issay’s chest with muffled sniffles. Jerkily, Atsushi stretched his arms out and wrapped them around Issay’s slender body as the man started hushing him softly.

It felt only natural to Issay, this reaction of his. Holding Atsushi and comforting him with gentle caresses and a quiet voice felt… right. And it made him feel the most whole he ever felt in what seemed like forever. As Atsushi's fingers dug into his back, Issay hugged him closer, more protectively as he bent over the younger man.

Atsushi let out another soft whine in response, "Issay…"

Before Issay could think it through, he replied out of habit, “Yes, love?”

Atsushi's hold on him grew tighter and the next thing Issay knew, Atsushi was practically bawling in his arms. It sounded as if Atsushi was saying something other than his name but Issay couldn't quite tell. He couldn't ask now, anyway. He probably wouldn't get a coherent answer.

Although, from the way Atsushi intermittently smacked his fists into Issay's back, Issay guessed that Atsushi was probably angry with him. Not that he could blame the man. There wasn't much else he could do about this now, though. The only thing he could think of doing was to hold Atsushi and bear with it while he let it all out. After all, Atsushi could have chosen to be much colder to Issay after everything. This may be heart wrenching to sit through, but it was by far more preferable than anything else he imagined.

Staring listlessly into the distance, Issay rubbed and patted Atsushi’s back until he gradually calmed down. Once he felt Atsushi’s hold becoming a little less vice-like, Issay moved slowly, reaching for the box of tissues on the bedside table. Placing it next to them, he pulled a tissue out and offered it to Atsushi.

Atsushi was still sniffling as he reluctantly removed an arm from Issay’s person. Issay continued rubbing Atsushi’s back as he watched Atsushi gingerly take the tissue from him to quietly dab at his own face.

When Atsushi scrunched it up, Issay pulled out another piece of tissue to offer to Atsushi again. He took it again without a word, this time blowing his nose with it. When Issay offered him the third tissue, Atsushi accepted it yet again, but instead of using it on his face, he wiped Issay's chest with it, where he had been crying.

Issay could barely fight the smile that broke on his face. "Feeling better?" he asked softly.

Atsushi slowly shook his head.

Issay ran his fingers through Atsushi's hair, patting him. "That's alright," he mumbled. Holding Atsushi, he shifted backwards and leaned into the pillows. Issay guessed that they were likely going to remain like this for quite a while. At least, in this position, he could let Atsushi rest his whole body on him more comfortably.

As they lay together, Issay at times couldn't quite tell if Atsushi was awake or not. He was silent except for the occasional sniffle and shifting. Issay guessed that Atsushi must be lost in thought. There was a lot on Issay's mind too, many things that he wanted to ask Atsushi but he couldn't speak now. Although it filled Issay's heart to have Atsushi lying in his arms, the situation still felt fragile; as if one wrong move could shatter this all into pieces. Issay just couldn't speak.

Then, Atsushi whispered, "You promised you'd always be with me."

“I did,” Issay replied, instantly furrowing his brow.

"You lied."

Issay's furrow deepened as his chest ached at the accusation. Taking in a deep breath, he sighed as he looked to the side and mumbled sadly, "I did."

"Why?" asked Atsushi, a tremble in his voice. "Why did you lie?" he asked breathlessly.

"I… wanted my half-brother to stop targeting you," Issay explained with difficulty. He knew it was a perfectly logical explanation, but it didn't mean that he liked it. "And to make that happen," Issay continued, now feeling breathless too as his chest grew tight with apprehension, "I had to stop… being associated with you."

"Associated?" Atsushi croaked. "Is that how you see it?"

"No," Issay shook his head and hugged Atsushi tighter. He was getting it all wrong. "No, love, please, don't say that," Issay pleaded softly, stroking Atsushi's hair. "Please. I just didn't want him anywhere near you any more. He wouldn't have any reason to come after you if I made it seem as if we don't have… any relationship… with each other," he choked. No matter how many times Issay had used this reason to justify his decision to himself, it still pained him to speak it aloud. Much less in front of Atsushi himself.

“If keeping my distance meant that he would leave you alone,” Issay went on. “I would do it. Even if it meant that I might never… I might never…” He paused and let out a pained sigh. He couldn’t say it. Gritting his teeth, Issay shook his head and muttered, “I’ve come one too many times too close to losing you forever, and I  _ cannot _ let that happen because of me again.”

“Yet you hold me so tightly,” Atsushi whispered, his breath hot against Issay’s skin.

“I’ve missed you,” Issay blurted, burying his face in Atsushi’s hair. “I’ve missed you  _ so _ much, I…” A soft gasp escaped his lips as he fought to breathe against the emotion which was squeezing his lungs up. Thinking about the times he spent losing himself to delirium in the beach house was draining, so draining.

Issay felt a familiar pressure on his lips as warm hands cupped his face. Atsushi was kissing him. And Issay was too elated by this to question it. Parting his lips, Issay gladly reciprocated Atsushi with his own kisses as quiet tears of overwhelming feelings streaked down his cheeks.

Feeling the dampness reach his fingers, Atsushi paused and looked into Issay's eyes, his voice thick with emotion as he said, "You still love me."

"Not for one moment did I ever stop loving you," Issay breathed, caressing Atsushi's cheek as he spoke. "Not even after Hisashi told me you've… given up," he said, dropping his voice as he echoed Hisashi's words.

Atsushi's puffy red eyes grew wide. "He found you?" he asked in disbelief. "He really found you?"

"Yes," Issay nodded.

"I thought…" Atsushi dropped his head, "I thought he was making it up… I…"

"Love?" Issay brushed Atsushi's hair aside. "It's alright if you've moved on," he said despite feeling his heart threaten to break with every word.

"I wanted to." Atsushi's admission was like a knife through Issay's heart. "But no one could love me like you did," Atsushi added, meeting Issay's eyes once more, but this time with a crumbling expression and tear-filled eyes.

"Oh, love," Issay sighed and pulled Atsushi to his chest once more.

"I just kept thinking about you and missing you. All the time," Atsushi whined tearfully, wrapping his arms around Issay again. "I just wanted you to come back," he continued before sobbing as he said, "I'm still in love with you."

"Oh, thank god," Issay blurted as he squeezed Atsushi in his arms and kissed him on the head. Atsushi's words lifted a weight from Issay's chest. He didn't even realise it existed.

"No one else makes me feel entirely better. You're the only one," Atsushi said, his voice muffled. "The only one who knows how to love me," he added firmly, "and the only one I really love."

"I cannot tell you how much your words warm my heart," Issay sighed, nuzzling into Atsushi's lightly fruit-scented hair and breathing in deeply. "I thought you didn't want me."

Atsushi lay his head on Issay's left shoulder and looked up in horror. Shaking his head, he said, "No, I thought  _ you _ didn't want me. The way you said you refused to stay here…"

"Because staying here meant my decision was all for nought," Issay explained sadly. "I put myself in their hands so they would keep half-brother away and keep me from going back to you… And yet they've placed me here with you," he said, gently tracing Atsushi's jaw with a finger. "I suppose it's inevitable; I'll always come back to you."

Lower lip trembling, Atsushi came forward and kissed Issay again. When they parted, his eyes shone clear as he said, "We're tied together. You're tied to me."

"Like that folk legend, hm?" Issay smiled. He reached for Atsushi's ringed hand and hooked their pinky fingers together, whispering, "Tied by fate."

"By a red string of fate," Atsushi added softly.

"Hm." Staring at their hands, a thought suddenly came to Issay, "I should probably get us pinky rings instead."

"You and what money?"

Issay pursed his lips and turned to Atsushi who had a sheepish look on his face. Wrinkling his nose, he growled and rubbed his face against Atsushi's, lightly grazing his teeth over his skin as he declared, "I'll figure it out! I'll figure it out and get us rings!"

The pleasant sound of Atsushi's laughter filled his ears. So Issay kept it up a little longer, slipping his hands under Atsushi's shirt to tickle his body as they squirmed together on the bed. Eventually, though, he had to stop. They were both panting from moving and laughing so much.

Hovering over Atsushi, Issay got his first good look at his lover. In the pale moonlight, he could see that Atsushi's eyes were tired, as expected and his cheekbones were more prominent than Issay remembered.

"You've lost weight," Issay mumbled.

"So have you," Atsushi observed in return.

"Haven't had much appetite," Issay replied with a wry smile. "Sometimes I forget to eat."

"Same," Atsushi muttered, matching Issay's expression.

"You haven't been sleeping either, have you?" Issay asked as he combed Atsushi's hair with his fingers.

"Neither have you," Atsushi returned again. 

"It's been elusive," Issay repeated dryly.

"Likewise," Atsushi smiled. Reaching up, his fingers lightly stroked Issay's face; one hand touching the unmarred side while the other traced the pale lines of his scars. "What is this?" Atsushi asked, visibly upset.

Issay wanted to turn away but Atsushi made him stay in place with gentle nudges. Relenting, Issay sighed and curtly said, "The glass from the crash left its mark." 

"Because you were shielding me," Atsushi said, tears welling up in his eyes again. "Because you held me in your arms, even after we landed on the asphalt."

Issay blinked. He didn't seem to have remembered the same things as Atsushi in those moments. He thought he didn't manage to keep Atsushi safe but… "I did?"

"I remember," Atsushi nodded as a tear overflowed and ran down the side of his face. "All the blood… right before passing out."

"Oh, love," Issay whispered, feeling horrible that Atsushi had to see such a sight. 

Atsushi smiled even though his eyes were still wet. "You hate them, don't you? These scars."

Issay could only look away in response.

"But I can't. Not when they're proof of what you've done for me," Atsushi finished.

The furrow in Issay's brow deepened even as Atsushi continued to caress his face. He wasn't sure he could let go of how much he detested those lines. But Atsushi's appreciation and acceptance of them did soothe his heart immensely. He just couldn't quite bring himself to say anything now.

Clenching his jaw, Issay closed his eyes and took hold of the hand stroking his face. He could feel himself shaking on the inside as he held Atsushi's hand to his lips, giving his fingers a kiss as he whispered, "Thank you."

"Issay…"

Atsushi wrapped his arms around Issay. This time, he was the one being held in a warm, comforting embrace; something which brought him some sense of solace, something he had yearned for so long. With his face in Atsushi's clothes, Issay breathed in the mild scent of detergent mixed with the soft pleasure that was Atsushi's musk. He could never get enough of it. He had missed this so much.

Hearing Atsushi's heartbeat in his chest, Issay felt his mind calming down and his own heart slowing as if to match Atsushi's. For the first time in over a year, he felt a sense of serene peace coming over him. Along with Atsushi's steady breaths and idle caresses, Issay let himself get lulled to sleep. Slowly and gradually, he was falling asleep, but he could tell it was going to be a most restful night for both of them. Without a doubt.


	8. 7

A beam of direct sunlight shining in through the window woke Atsushi up. Cracking his eyes open against the glare, he wondered what time it was. Judging by the light, though, it must be about seven in the morning. He needed to get up. Service would be starting soon in the cafe. But what was he doing sleeping in the guestroom?

Then, Atsushi noticed the presence of another person in the bed with him. Startled, he turned and saw… Issay tucked in bed, lying on his right side, sound asleep next to him. Atsushi paused to take in the mess of jet-black hair on the pillow and the unbuttoned white shirt Issay was wearing. Was he real? Was yesterday real?

Atsushi cautiously stretched a hand towards the sleeping man. He needed to know if this was real, or just some hallucination. For some reason, his fingers trembled as he approached with apprehension, shaking until they finally came in contact with Issay's cheek. Feeling it, Issay wrinkled his nose in his sleep and turned his face away.

Atsushi's breath caught in his throat and he felt his heart stop for a moment as it finally hit him; Issay was real. The joy which flushed through his head was great but at the same time, Atsushi held back from expressing it. He didn't want to wake Issay from his sleep.

Withdrawing his hand, Atsushi lay down on his side and gazed at Issay's sleeping form, admiring the peaceful expression on his face in silence. He could feel himself getting sleepy again, as if somehow affected by Issay but just when Atsushi was about to drift off to sleep, he heard the sheets shift and felt something move.

"Enjoying the view?" Issay asked softly, his eyes still closed as his hand slid up Atsushi's waist to pull him closer.

Letting out a soft laugh, Atsushi beamed at Issay, now a mere inch away from him. "Did I wake you?" he asked.

Issay shook his head. Showing his scars in the light, he turned to lie on his back with an arm around Atsushi. "I've been awake for a while now," he said, hugging Atsushi closer, "and wondering when you'd start touching me."

Atsushi's cheeks flushed red. "I wasn't thinking about that at all," he mumbled.

"No?" Issay blinked, sounding slightly surprised yet concerned at the same time. "Hm, I haven't had the chance to ask but…" Meeting Atsushi's eyes, Issay's expression seemed to dim a little as he stroked his hair and asked, "how is your body?"

"Ah." That question gave Atsushi pause. He didn't expect Issay to ask so directly, but… "I… They somehow managed reattachment surgery," Atsushi replied, somewhat hesitantly. "I'm not too sure why or how it happened but when I woke up, they said it's done."

"What?" Issay muttered, obviously confused. "Where did they even… get your…"

"I heard some unknown person… delivered… it? To the hospital?"

"Huh. That's… weird," Issay mumbled, frowning harder. "I mean, not that the outcome is bad, right?"

"Yeah."

"But it's weird…"

"Though, I suppose you could say I'm… whole, physically. In one piece," Atsushi concluded. "Although, I can't really… get hard, much, since then," he added quickly.

"Hmm," Issay hummed while his hands wandered, feeling his way down Atsushi's body.

Atsushi snuggled up closer to Issay, putting a small smile as he whispered, "Make me yours again."

"Haven't you always been mine?" Issay asked back with a raised eyebrow.

"Well… I…" Atsushi blinked and looked away. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't find it in himself to lie but at the same time, how could he tell Issay that he had been sleeping around?

Sensing Atsushi's hesitance, Issay got up and moved lower. "Let me look at you first," he said as he stuck his hands under the elastic band of Atsushi's sweats and pulled them off. The moment Issay laid eyes on the faded bruises on Atsushi's waist, his expression turned furious. "Who did this?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

"That… I've gotten rid of that person," Atsushi replied as fear gripped his heart.

"Permanently?"

"He's not coming back," Atsushi answered.

Issay's rage-filled eyes met Atsushi's and at that moment, he looked shocked by some sudden unknown realisation. The next thing Atsushi knew, Issay had turned apologetic, maybe even broken as he mumbled, "You're afraid of me?"

Atsushi swallowed. Was he? He thought about it and slowly shook his head in denial.

"But you're afraid," Issay stated softly.

"I'm afraid," Atsushi agreed. "I'm afraid that… you wouldn't want me if you knew… that I've been-"

"That won't happen," Issay cut in without letting Atsushi finish that line. "There is no way I wouldn't want you," he assured, meeting Atsushi's eyes with a firm gaze. "If it makes you happy, I… will accept it," Issay added with visible difficulty.

It was clear to Atsushi that Issay didn't like this at all and yet…

"Were you happy?" Issay asked.

This was a question that Atsushi found unfortunately easy to answer. Dropping his head, he muttered, "No."

Atsushi couldn't look at Issay as the man sucked in a deep breath and sighed heavily. The silence which followed was thick and painfully uncomfortable. He didn't know what Issay was thinking about now, neither could he guess what he would do. But eventually, he heard Issay move and felt a firm grip close around his ankle.

Issay pulled Atsushi to him, making him lie flat on the bed while Issay knelt before him and muttered, "They better pray they'll get their retribution without ever meeting me." 

Atsushi felt Issay's hands on his waist, where the bruises from Takahashi's rough straddling were. He expected sharp pains from that area, but instead, Issay's warm palms only made dull aches radiate as he gently massaged his skin. For the first time in a long while, pain felt… nice. But he wanted more of Issay.

Clasping Issay's hands, Atsushi got his attention and slid them up his body, only stopping when Issay's fingers were on his nipples. Bashfully, Atsushi mumbled, "Hold me."

The look in Issay’s eyes softened and he slid forward. One hand pinched Atsushi’s right nipple, eliciting a soft whimper from Atsushi’s lips while his other hand curled around the back of Atsushi’s neck to lift his head up for a kiss.

Issay pressed his crotch into Atsushi’s, fitting perfectly close as he ground his erection against him. Feeling this brought about a stirring in the depths of Atsushi’s lower half, one which spread and took hold of him like Issay’s embrace. He moaned as Issay sucked on his lower lip and flicked his nipple. Hugging Issay, Atsushi arched his back and thrust his hips, willing Issay to do more down below.

Atsushi felt Issay’s lips tensing into a smile as he broke away and tilted his head to the side. Nuzzling Atsushi’s neck, Issay’s hand began to slide down Atsushi’s torso when Atsushi breathed, “Wait!”

“Hm?”

Atsushi stretched his arm towards the bedside table. Yanking the top drawer open, he took out condoms along with a half-used bottle of lube and set it on the bed.

Issay huffed a breath of warm air. “I see you’re prepared,” he mumbled, teeth grazing against Atsushi’s skin as he reached for the lube.

Atsushi simply smiled and squeezed out a liberal amount for Issay.

“Do we really need that much?” Issay chuckled.

“It’s been… a while,” Atsushi mumbled as he closed the bottle and tossed it aside. It had really only been a week or so but… that was considered as ‘a while’, right?

Issay simply hummed and didn’t question Atsushi any further. Parting his lips, he gently bit Atsushi’s neck before sucking hard, making Atsushi gasp aloud as he felt the sudden cold sensation of lube smeared on his nether regions.

Atsushi instinctively spread his legs apart, his breath hitching and breathing turning shallow as Issay switched between teasing his entrance and tracing fingers along his perineum to grope at his balls. As much as Issay was doing, all he really did was make Atsushi want more. Scratching at Issay’s white blouse, Atsushi moaned Issay’s name as the man left another love bite on his neck.

Speaking his name worked like a cue for Issay and the next thing Atsushi knew, Issay pushed a finger into him. Atsushi spread his legs even wider, his knees almost touching the bed as Issay gently worked him loose. Thrusting at a steady pace, Issay added a second finger and eventually a third, curling them at infrequent intervals to tease Atsushi’s prostate and make him jerk his hips and cry out each time.

Then, Issay sat up, separating himself from Atsushi who whined and stretched his arms towards Issay, demanding him back. Undoing his pants with one hand, Issay tutted as he smirked and curled the fingers of his other hand. Even as he moaned for Issay, Atsushi shook his head and stubbornly pressed his legs shut. The tension he exerted only increased accentuated the stimulation from Issay’s fingers, though.

“Patience, love,” Issay tutted, finally withdrawing his fingers to put a condom on. Once done, he gently nudged Atsushi’s legs apart and muttered, “I haven’t had sex since… last year,” he chuckled awkwardly, “so forgive me if I come too early.”

His words made Atsushi feel guilty for all the flings he had had while Issay was gone. Pouting with still-outstretched arms, he mumbled, “Just promise to come in me.”

“I can do that,” Issay smiled. For some reason, the scars on his face seemed to emphasise his smile a little more on that side. With the sunlight illuminating Issay from behind, the sight made Atsushi’s heart skip a beat.

Mesmerised, Atsushi was caught by surprise when he felt Issay easing himself into him. He moaned along with Issay who planted his hands down on either side of Atsushi as he dropped forward. That long abstinence appeared to have affected Issay; his eyes were already slightly glazed and he looked breathless hovering over Atsushi.

Issay focused his eyes on Atsushi and stroked his cheek. Breathing shakily, he seemed to be at a loss for words as he muttered, “Love… Oh, love, my love…”

Atsushi wrapped his arms around Issay and pulled him in. He nuzzled against Issay and buried his fingers in his hair, gently scratching as he whispered Issay’s name in return. With his face in Atsushi’s chest once more, Issay started moving his hips, thrusting strong and hard as Atsushi gyrated his hips in tandem, helping Issay hit his prostate.

Atsushi felt like his head was floating in the heat of pleasure when all too soon, Issay stopped moving. Atsushi made a soft inquisitive noise and Issay lifted his head to look down with an, “Ah.”

Atsushi thought it was already over when Issay started untangling himself but then, Issay muttered, “You’re hard.”

“Huh?”

Atsushi could barely react as Issay sat up, pulled out, lifted Atsushi’s legs, put them on his shoulders and finally lifted his crotch up towards his face. Meeting Atsushi’s eyes with that same glazed look, he promptly put Atsushi’s erection in his mouth. Atsushi’s jaw dropped, making way for him to moan to his heart’s content as Issay worked his erection, licking and sucking without pause until Atsushi clenched his toes and came in Issay’s mouth.

Issay appeared to take pleasure in this, bobbing his head slightly as he swallowed and sucked until Atsushi’s dick began to lose its hardness. Lowering Atsushi’s lower half with a tired huff, he gave Atsushi a dazed smile and a wink.

Atsushi sat up and threw himself at Issay who caught him with a muted grunt. Curled up in Issay's embrace, he gushed, "I love  you so much."

"I love you a lot too," Issay whispered back, his voice tickling Atsushi's ear.

"And I missed you," Atsushi went on. "I missed this, I missed everything."

"Well, I'm here now, love," Issay smiled. "However long 'now' is supposed to be."

"Two weeks," Atsushi blurted, suddenly reminded of how little time they've been given. "Two weeks… I only have two weeks with you," he repeated, tears forming as quickly as his momentary happiness dissipated.

"Two weeks?" Issay echoed. "They gave you a timeframe?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "They told me they didn't know how long I'd be here."

"They told me two weeks, at most," Atsushi said, his voice pitching as he started to lose composure. "Depending on the… weather," he gasped.

Issay hugged Atsushi tighter, rocking gently as he patted his back and shushed him quietly. "We'll ask them about this, hm?" he suggested. "I'll see if they'll let me stay here," Issay added softly.

"What if they say no?" Atsushi sobbed, his heart breaking as he thought about letting Issay leave him again.

"If they say no…" Issay took a deep breath and sighed. "We'll see what we can do then, hm?" he mumbled, rubbing Atsushi's shoulders. "It'll be alright."

"But it hurts," Atsushi whined.

Just then, the door burst open and Issay burst into action, immediately wrapping Atsushi up in the blanket and rolling them both off the side of the bed, away from the door. Enveloped in Issay's protective hold, Atsushi heard a girl's voice yell, "G-get away from Mr. Sakurai, you… you murderer!"

Issay cursed and winced under the intruders' barrage as Atsushi did his best to ease his arms free of Issay's blanket wrap while yelling, "Stop! Stop hitting him!"

"You know these… whoever?" Issay asked.

"Yes, but," Atsushi finally freed his arms and blocked the… futon beater? "You're hitting him with a futon beater?!" Atsushi screamed, angrily yanking the tool away from its wielder, Jill who worked for him at the café.

Louie pointed at Jill, his sister. "It was her idea," he said quickly.

"Hey!" Jill slapped his hand down. "You were worried too!"

"What on earth are you worried about?!" Atsushi yelled as he sat up and put his arms around Issay.

"Well, you weren't in the bar this morning," Louie said.

"Yeah, you're usually there when we come in," Jill nodded.

"So, we wondered if something happened," Louie continued.

"Because you told us not to come to work yesterday, right?" Jill pointed out. "And we heard that there were police here yesterday."

"And they were saying that they brought some hardened criminal here," Louie added, exchanging a glance with Jill who nodded at him.

Issay snorted a laugh when he heard that. Dropping to his side to sit down, he asked Atsushi, "Who are these kids, love?"

"They run the café and look after the cats for me," Atsushi replied.

"I see," Issay nodded with a smile.

"See what?" Louie asked warily.

Issay simply smiled and shrugged. It was clear that he wasn't going to say anything if Atsushi hadn't yet divulged everything about himself. Atsushi reached for Issay's hand, weaving their fingers together as Issay gave him a reassuring squeeze.

Eyes darting to their interlocked hands, Jill muttered, "Mr. Sakurai… you're… with a serial killer-"

"He's  _ not _ a killer," Atsushi hissed but Issay gave him an awkward shrug.

"I heard he killed like, thirty people," Louie mumbled.

"No, I think it was more like… thirteen," Issay corrected before muttering, "… was it?"

"I mean…" Atsushi grimaced. " _Technically_ , he… yes, you’re right but the circumstances…" Atsushi didn't quite know how to put this. It wasn't even all that bad, really, knowing he'd done worse at some point.

“Mr. Sakurai-”

“All you need to know,” Atsushi interrupted firmly, “is that you don’t need to worry about him.”

“But he’s a-”

“He’s the last person in the world who would ever harm me and this I know better than anyone else,” Atsushi declared, hugging Issay closer. He didn’t like this situation. He didn’t like the way they looked at Issay and he didn’t like justifying his relationship with Issay to anyone for that matter.

Jill, however, didn’t seem to accept Atsushi’s words. “But why-”

“What did I say in the very beginning?” Atsushi asked sternly.

“No questions,” Louie muttered as he nudged Jill’s shoulder. Exchanging a glance with each other, a dissatisfied expression appeared on Jill’s face as she finally caught the cue to hold her tongue.

“I doubt I’d be joining you today, so go ahead and start up the kitchen,” Atsushi instructed. Handing the futon beater back to Jill, he said, “Now, leave us alone.”

While they left without a word of protest, Atsushi had a feeling that they would still have words for him if they ever caught him without Issay. He sighed to himself. This might be a headache to deal with.

Issay pressed his thumb into Atsushi’s forehead. “Keep frowning like that and you’d be getting lines,” he teased.

“You frown more than I do,” Atsushi retorted.

“And you cry far more than I do,” Issay returned, now massaging Atsushi’s cheeks. 

Atsushi scrunched up his face and huffed, making Issay laugh. Holding Issay’s hands, Atsushi looked at him and asked, “How’s your back?”

“I’m alright,” Issay smiled.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

“I’ve had worse,” Issay shook his head. “You know that.”

Atsushi did. “But that was a long time ago,” he muttered while Issay simply shrugged. “I have ointment,” Atsushi raised. “I can apply it for you.”

“Mhm?”

“After a bath?” Atsushi suggested.

“Mm, yes, a bath,” Issay nodded. “We’ll take a bath. You’ll apply ointment for me and tell me all about what life is like for you.”

“We can have breakfast too,” Atsushi added. “And I can introduce you to the cats.”

“Sounds good to me,” Issay smiled.


	9. 8

“Does it hurt?” Atsushi asked as his fingers brushed over the tender skin on Issay’s back.

“Bearable,” Issay muttered, schooling his face to stop himself from wincing. While Atsushi applied the numbing medicated ointment he mentioned, Issay couldn’t help but wonder how he was going to sleep tonight. He wasn’t used to sleeping on his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Atsushi sighed. “I didn’t expect them to react like this.”

“You couldn’t have known- Argh!” A sudden sharp pain made Issay scream. Atsushi had flicked Issay’s back with his finger.

“Sorry!” Atsushi apologised. “I just wondered if the ointment had taken effect…”

“Surely there are better ways to test that out?” Issay grumbled.

“… Did you feel that?” Atsushi asked.

“Feel what?” Issay twisted around, trying to look behind.

“You can wear your shirt now,” Atsushi smiled at him.

“… What did you do?” Issay asked.

Atsushi kept smiling as he placed his palm on the bruised skin. Issay instinctively prepared himself for a burst of pain, but instead, he felt nothing.

“That’s… some ointment,” Issay remarked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

“Isn’t it?” Atsushi nodded as he happily capped the tube close. The tube which had more than half of it already used up.

Issay was itching to ask about it, but perhaps not now. Putting that thought aside, he let Atsushi help him put on his shirt and finally get dressed after lounging around in the bath on the second floor for a couple of hours.

Prior to that, though, they busied themselves with moving Issay’s things from the guest room downstairs into Atsushi’s quarters upstairs. According to Atsushi, he had never meant for anyone to actually live on the first floor anyway. It was more for storage, or temporary lodging in the event someone wanted to stay the night. In other words, he wasn’t going to let Issay stay there if he could help it. Issay could see why, though.

The second floor was properly furnished and it felt lived-in. There were even cats roaming around. A lot of cats. Leaving the bathroom, a couple of cats, an orange tabby and a calico bobtail sauntered past while a third grey cat came trotting towards them. This one, Issay recognised.

“Momo!” Atsushi greeted happily. Crouching down, he picked the cat up and cradled her in his arms. Bringing Momo to Issay, he asked her, “Do you recognise him?”

Issay stuck a finger out in Momo’s direction and waited as the cat craned its neck towards him. Wrinkling her nose, Momo fixed her large yellow eyes on his finger and sniffed. After a moment, she huffed and turned away to curl up in Atsushi’s arms.

“Is… that a yes or a no?” Issay asked.

“Well, I think it’s a yes?” Atsushi concluded with a confused frown. “She’d be hostile otherwise,” he added softly.

“She’s always been relatively mellow,” Issay remarked.

“Mhmm,” Atsushi agreed. “But she’s been rebellious lately,” he said as he started walking towards an ajar door near the stairs. “You shouldn’t even be here,” Atsushi went on, rubbing his face in her tummy despite his reprimanding.

“Why not?” Issay asked.

“They already have a whole floor to themselves,” Atsushi replied.

“A whole floor?”

“Mhm,” Atsushi nodded and smirked. Putting a hand on the doorknob, he pushed open the door to the other half of the building. He gestured at Issay to follow him before walking through.

Going after Atsushi, Issay entered the left-side half of the building and the first thing that greeted his eyes was… a cat. And another. And another. And many, many others spread out all over the space he had found himself in. Issay was, simply put, stunned motionless.

“Love?”

“Yes?”

“How many cats do you have?”

“Um…” Atsushi paused in his tracks and looked around him. “Uh…”

“Or, maybe I should be asking,  _ why _ do you have so many cats,” Issay muttered, slowly making his way towards Atsushi as he continued sweeping his eyes around. He counted about eight cats so far. “I know you love cats but…”

“They were strays,” Atsushi whined. “They kept coming to the house and crying for food. I couldn’t just leave them,” he went on, his voice growing smaller.

Issay nodded quietly. He could understand that sentiment. “I suppose this is why you had to hire those kids, then?"

“They were feeding the cats before I moved here,” Atsushi explained. “So, when the cats stopped showing up for them, the siblings came looking for them and… well, I needed the help.”

“Understandably,” Issay responded. “But how did Chibi, Nyan, and Momo take to their new roommates? I’m sure they’re fine now, but in the beginning…?”

“There  _ was _ a bit of resistance,” Atsushi nodded to himself as Momo leapt out of his arms and started to climb a nearby cat tree. “But it looks like they’re the ones in charge,” he went on. As if proving Atsushi’s point, Momo went towards a hammock and sat herself down  _ on _ another cat which already occupied that space. “See?”

“Yes, I do see,” Issay chuckled. “So where’s Chibi and Nyan?”

“They must be downstairs, in the seating room,” Atsushi guessed. Stretching a hand towards Issay, he took his hand and led Issay towards a flight of stairs leading down. “Boo and Mei should be there too.”

“Boo and Mei?” Issay echoed.

“Ah, they, uh… I bought two more just before I moved here,” Atsushi mumbled sheepishly.

“Two more… cats?”

Atsushi nodded as they descended the stairs.

Issay hummed and nodded in understanding. “So every time I’m uncontactable, you’d get two new cats?”

“Eh?”

Issay nodded and snapped his fingers as he concluded, “I’m the equivalent of two cats.”

“What?” Standing one step lower, Atsushi stopped mid-flight to turn to Issay and frantically deny, “No! That’s not-! You’re not… You’re more than two cats!”

A sudden bout of giggles caught their ears. Issay snapped his head to the noise and found the siblings behind the bar counter, trying and failing to contain their laughter. Atsushi looked increasingly distressed.

Tracing a finger along Atsushi’s jaw, Issay drew the younger man’s attention back to him and whispered, “Love?”

Atsushi turned to look at him with a worried frown and a serious look in his eye. “I can’t measure you in cats,” he said, “but you’re worth more than anything in the world to me.”

Issay broke into a smile, almost laughing as he pulled Atsushi into a hug. Planting a kiss on his head, he chuckled, “I don’t doubt that, my love. I don’t doubt that at all.”

A soft whine started up in Atsushi’s throat as he rubbed his face in Issay’s chest. “Then don’t tease me,” he complained softly.

“It’s difficult to resist doing it when you’re this adorable,” Issay whispered into Atsushi’s ear.

Atsushi looked up at him, still frowning but this time with a pout on his face. Issay simply grinned at him and gave him a peck on his puckered lips, making him laugh and ease himself out of Issay’s embrace. Holding Issay’s hand again, Atsushi led him down the final few steps and led him towards the bar counter.

There, Atsushi left Issay on the outside of the bar while he went in. “What do you want for breakfast?” he asked.

“What do you have?”

“What… What  _ do _ we have?” Atsushi asked, turning to the siblings.

“Anything with eggs, or bread… salads. We have those pastries up front,” the brother, Louie answered as he pointed and gestured around.

“Hmm…” Issay looked around, deliberately ignoring the sister, Jill’s untrusting glances. “I want… toast and Acchan’s sunny-side ups.”

“That’s all?” Atsushi asked. “But you didn’t eat dinner, did you?”

“I ate you this morning,” Issay answered nonchalantly. 

“ _ Issay _ ,” Atsushi hissed, suddenly blushing. 

Suppressing a laugh, Issay simply shrugged and added, “I want your coffee too, love.”

Atsushi froze and stared at him with an unreadable expression. “… Really?”

“Yes, really,” Issay nodded. Meeting Atsushi’s eyes, he added, “It doesn’t taste quite right if it isn’t made by you.”

“But… I…”

“Mr Sakurai doesn’t make coffee,” Jill piped in. “He never has.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” Issay smiled. “That means I’m the only one who has ever had the pleasure of drinking coffee made by him.”

“But he-”

“Okay,” Atsushi muttered, his voice thick as he started setting up the apparatus.

Issay watched Atsushi place the filter cup over a small coffee cup. Head bowed, he folded the filter paper, put it in the filter cup and scooped in two spoons of coffee powder. When he picked up the kettle, though, his hands were shaking.

Noticing this, Louie stepped in. “Mr Sakurai-”

“Love,” Issay interrupted, “breathe. Take your time.”

Atsushi nodded stiffly and started taking deep breaths. After a tense moment, he lifted the kettle and paused.

“Take your time,” Issay repeated. “Don’t rush. Just like how I showed you back then,” he coaxed.

Atsushi nodded again and tilted the kettle more. Carefully pouring the water, he watched the level in the filter cup rise and then stopped, letting it recede before pouring the second bout. Once he was done, he opened the ice bin behind him and took out two ice cubes. Atsushi removed the filter and put the ice cubes into the coffee cup.

“Why did you do that?!” Louie exclaimed in horror.

“Because that’s how  _ I _ drink it,” Issay replied.

Atsushi put the cup on the bartop and looked at Issay with obvious hesitation in his eyes. Issay simply took the cup and drank it all down in one go, the same way he always had.

Putting the cup down, Issay looked Atsushi in the eyes as he smiled and said, “Thank you, love. I really missed your coffee.”

Atsushi’s face crumbled for a moment before he schooled it back into a stony, indifferent expression. Maintaining it, he hurriedly stepped out of the bar, muttering, “I’ll leave breakfast to you two.”

“Ah? But what do you want?” Jill asked as Atsushi grabbed Issay by the hand and led him away.

Issay followed without a word while Atsushi pulled him past the bar counter, towards a back door which he went through. The moment they emerged in the backyard garden, Atsushi turned around and hugged Issay with his face buried in Issay’s shoulder. Issay heard a loud sob. He put his arms around Atsushi and sighed.

"Love?"

"I'm sorry," Atsushi whined, scratching Issay's back as he bunched up the shirt fabric in his hands.

"There's nothing you have to be sorry for," Issay returned as he rubbed circles on Atsushi's back.

Atsushi instead backed away, shaking his head in disagreement. "But I… I…"

"I know," Issay said firmly, stepping forward. "I know, and I am not changing my stance that you have nothing to be sorry for."

Atsushi shook his head again. "No, I…"

The moment Issay noticed tears rolling down Atsushi's face, he rushed forward to dab his cheeks dry with his sleeves. Clasping Atsushi's face in his hands, Issay continued to brush fresh tears away as he whispered, "No, no. Love, don't cry, my love. Please?"

"But- it- hurts…" Atsushi mumbled between sobs as he crumbled back into Issay's arms. "My chest hurts…"

"Oh, love…" Issay sighed while kneading the back of Atsushi's neck. "You cry so much for an ex-crime boss," he blurted, suddenly thinking about it in context.

"Maybe it's because I held it all in for so long," Atsushi muttered. "But I can't seem to manage that around you."

"You don't have to," Issay assured, giving him a kiss. "I wouldn't like you to."

"Mm…" Atsushi hummed softly, acknowledging as he began to calm down. He was silent for a while with the exception of an occasional sniff. Then, he said, "Still, I think it'd hurt less if you're actually angry with me."

"You want me… to be angry."

"Get back at me, or something."

"You have something in mind."

"Yes."

Issay was almost afraid to ask, "What is it?"

"Drug me."

Issay immediately grimaced and shook his head. "I… I can't do that, love. It doesn't feel right," he said. "Even if I do this, what on earth do you expect me to do after you've knocked out?"

Atsushi gave him a pointed look.

"No!" Issay huffed. "It doesn't feel right, no, it's _ not _ right," he went on, vehemently opposing Atsushi's wordless request. "I will. Not. Force-"

"Is it forcing if I'm asking you to do it?" Atsushi reasoned, his eyes pleading.

"Love, I…" Issay shook his head again, this time stepping back to pace. He couldn't stand still.

"Please?"

Issay shook his head again. Even after walking away and then back to Atsushi a few times, he couldn't find it in himself to accept what Atsushi asked of him. It was… too much.

Atsushi dashed forward and grabbed Issay's hands, clasping them as he earnestly asked again, "Issay, please? You're the only one I trust enough to let you do this."

Looking into Atsushi's eyes was a mistake. Issay could feel himself giving in. It was just far too difficult to say no to someone he loved so much.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Issay sighed and muttered, "When?"

"Surprise me," Atsushi replied, unable to hide the joy in his voice as he came closer.

"And  _ how _ exactly am I supposed to do this?" Issay asked albeit reluctantly. He couldn't believe he was really considering to do this to Atsushi. A sudden thought came to mind. "You didn't actually keep the leftovers, did you?"

"I… did," Atsushi replied sheepishly. "I didn't know what to do with them and… I guess I thought it might come in handy."

"In what situation?" Issay asked, raising his eyebrow in intrigue.

"Well… say, if I had an unwelcome guest and wanted them to leave, I could just… prepare something," Atsushi shrugged with an unsure smile.

Issay wrinkled his nose and huffed, "Fair enough, I guess."

"So… you'll do it?"

"We'll see," Issay replied vaguely.

"Mr Sakurai?" Louie's voice called from the door. "Will you be having breakfast indoors or out?"

"We'll be having it in the garden," Atsushi replied without turning around.

"Okay!'

Issay finally got a good look at his surroundings. He was in the garden he had been staring at last night. Flower bushes and shrubs decorated the area and there was a large tree in the far corner stretching its branches over the space, providing about half the garden shade from the bright summer sun. On the wall of the building, there was a window which offered a look into the guest seating area in the cafe and right by that window was a couple of chairs with a garden table. It was there Atsushi led Isaay to.

"I remember hoping I’d get a chance to show you this place when I first moved here," Atsushi revealed shyly.

Issay smiled, heartened by Atsushi's thoughts despite the unsettling request he just mentioned earlier. He couldn't fault the man for thinking of him and doing something like this.

"I just thought it'd be a nice area to relax and read a book," Atsushi went on as he pulled out a chair for Issay.

"It is," Issay agreed and sat down.

"Well, at least, when we have good weather," Atsushi added, sitting down opposite Issay with a grin.

"And if it's bad?" Issay asked.

"We’ll use that table with those two armchairs facing us," Atsushi pointed through the window. "That's where I sit most of the time," he said.

“Have you always had two there?”

“Mhmm,” Atsushi nodded, still looking inside. “I did consider placing only one chair there but… I’d probably feel even more lonely that way.”

“You’ve been waiting for me,” Issay surmised, reaching for Atsushi’s hand to hold it.

“I guess… I guess I was,” Atsushi muttered. “Come to think of it, a lot of times it felt like that. As if I was just waiting for you to come back and join me.”

“Well, I’m here now,” Issay said with a small smile. Bringing Atsushi’s hand to his lips, he kissed his fingers and added, “I’ve joined you at your table.”

“Yes,” Atsushi smiled back, crinkling his eyes. He was practically glowing as he gazed at Issay with a blissful sigh and whispered to himself, “You’re finally here. With me.”

Issay heard a light jingle, the first time he actually noticed this sound as the door opened and Louie entered the garden, arms laden with their breakfast. Atsushi and he acknowledged Louie with a nod, quietly watching him set the table with cutlery and serviettes. Before he left, the boy said, “Knock on the window and let us know if there’s anything else you need.”

“We will, thank you,” Atsushi said with a nod. As Louie took his leave, Atsushi turned to Issay with a smile and asked, “Shall we?”

Issay returned the smile and nodded, “Let’s eat.”


	10. 9

“Take someone with you,” Issay insisted.

“I can take care of myself,” Atsushi assured with a petulant pout on his face. He was heading out to buy alcohol for their nights but Issay was hesitant to let him go.

“Love, please,” Issay implored, stepping forward to hold Atsushi’s face in his hands. “The kids have already said that my presence is not unknown to others. There’s no guarantee  _ who else  _ has heard about me,” he reasoned. 

Now that Issay mentioned it, Atsushi could see where he was coming from. On one hand, there shouldn’t be anyone who would come and bother him since he had stepped away from all that business, but on the other hand, if the word that Issay was here had spread, he would be an easy target without his affiliations and runners.

“I can’t go out, so, please, take someone with you,” Issay repeated as he stroked Atsushi’s cheek. “Even if they can’t stop trouble from occurring, you’d have someone who can tell me what happened.”

Atsushi sighed and nodded. As Issay gave him a peck on his cheek, he asked, “And you’ll stay upstairs?”

“Yes,” Issay nodded. “I’ll be in your rooms. I intend to stay away from visitors anyway.”

"Okay," Atsushi nodded. Putting his shoes on, he asked, "Anything you want me to get in particular?"

"Like what?" 

"Mm… snacks?"

"Can you bring an izakaya home?" Issay asked jokingly.

" … Maybe if I open an izakaya…?" Atsushi mused.

"Don't take it too seriously, love," Issay chuckled. "All I ask is that you come back as quick as you can."

"I'll try," Atsushi grinned. Opening the first-floor door between both sides, he yelled in the direction of the bar, "Anyone free to accompany me for a quick grocery run?"

Louie and Jill exchanged a look and after a moment's pause, Jill nudged Louie's elbow with a nod. As Louie started untying his apron, he stepped out from behind the bar and said, "I'll come!"

"I'll meet you outside," Atsushi nodded and closed the door. Turning to Issay, he stepped in for a kiss and said, "And I'll see you later."

"I'll be right here," Issay smiled and nodded. Putting his hands in the pockets of his pants, he simply stood there and watched Atsushi open the main door and leave.

The skies may have been clear this morning, but it was starting to get cloudy now. Standing in the front garden, Atsushi looked up at the sky and wondered if he should bring an umbrella along, just in case.

Hearing the left side door open, Atsushi asked, "Do you think we'd need an umbrella, Louie?"

"Um, Mr Sakurai, where are we going?" the boy asked.

"We're just going to the supermarket the next block over to get alcohol," Atsushi replied.

"Oh. I think we can do without," Louie replied, casting his eyes to the sky as well.

“Alright then,” Atsushi nodded. Although upon feeling the chill of a breeze, he mumbled, “We should probably make haste anyway.”

As they set off and made their way down the narrow street, Atsushi started thinking about what he was going to get. Beer was a given. But how much beer should he get? And shochu. He was definitely getting shochu. Beer wouldn’t be enough to get them both drunk anyway.

"Mr Sakurai?" 

"Hn?" Shaken out of his thoughts, Atsushi turned to the boy next to him and asked, "Yes?"

"I thought I should apologise for barging in this morning," Louie said sheepishly. "So, I'm sorry."

"Oh." Atsushi blinked. Well, this was unexpected. "Uh, thank you, I suppose. Although, it's already slipped my mind."

"Oh, thank goodness," Louie mumbled in relief.

"Why  _ did _ you two do that, though?" Atsushi asked.

"Ah, it's just that we heard-"

"What  _ did  _ you hear?" Atsushi asked, squinting his eyes.

"Well," Louie jerked, tensing up. "Word's gotten around that there were three unmarked cars parked outside your building yesterday afternoon."

"Right, I suppose that was unavoidable," Atsushi muttered. In such a small town, three cars going somewhere together would inevitably attract attention.

"And, well, some glimpsed a few of these visitors handling law enforcement equipment like batons and cuffs so they gathered those three cars probably belonged to the police," Louie went on.

Turning a corner, they arrived at the supermarket. As Atsushi got a trolley out, he asked, "How did you get your conclusions about Issay, though?"

"Issay? Ah, you mean, that… man."

"Yes," Atsushi frowned. What was that pause for?

As they made their way through the aisles, Louie replied, "One of the convenience store staff walked by and saw the crowd so she asked an officer who was standing guard outside what this was all about."

"Right. And?"

"He said it's none of her business."

Atsushi wanted to laugh. "Of course, he said that," he muttered to himself.

"But she kept bugging him about it, and eventually, he said that they're putting someone up in here," Louie went on while Atsushi browsed the alcohol aisle.

"He said that?" Atsushi raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Apparently," Louie shrugged. "Then she asked who that someone is," he continued.

"He didn't actually say, did he?" 

"The answer he supposedly gave her was, 'A serial killer. He's telling us where to find the bodies.'."

Atsushi burst out laughing, a hand over his mouth while he hugged his stomach with his other arm.

Watching Atsushi’s reaction, Louie muttered, “I suppose that’s not true, then.”

Still laughing, Atsushi shook his head and waved his hand. “There are no bodies to find,” he managed, wheezing from laughter.

“But… you did confirm he… killed people,” Louie raised hesitantly.

“I’m not denying it, but…” Atsushi paused and wiped the tears from his eyes. While that was a good laugh, Louie was starting to ask a little too much. “You wouldn’t be able to understand the circumstances we were in,” he sighed. “It’s… There’s too much to explain.”

“Oh…” Louie muttered and fell silent. For a moment, Atsushi thought he would be free from this questioning, but then, the boy started, “That man-”

“He has a name,” Atsushi cut in.

“Huh?”

“Fujisaki Issay,” Atsushi muttered as he squatted down to pull out a 24-can tray of beers. “His name,” he grunted and put the tray into the trolley, “is Fujisaki Issay.”

“How… should I address him?”

“However you feel comfortable, I suppose,” Atsushi shrugged and dusted his hands off. Turning to Louie, he said, “I call him Issay.”

“And he calls you ‘Love’,” Louie stated.

Hearing someone else other than Issay say it sounded so ridiculous that Atsushi was laughing again. “Yes, he does,” he confirmed between laughs.

“That’s not, no,  _ can’t _ be something that developed overnight, right?” Louie asked, grimacing a bit as he spoke.

“No, no,” Atsushi chuckled as he walked down the aisle and picked up two large bottles. "It's a… nickname, of sorts. He's been calling me that for a long time now," he added, smiling to himself.

"Ah! So, you actually know him?" Louie asked as his eyes brightened with an epiphany. "Like, prior to him living with you now?"

"Yes," Atsushi beamed. "I've known him since high school," he divulged as he put the bottles into the trolley. Pausing, he wondered if he should double this amount.

"Since high school?!" Louie echoed in surprise.

“Mhmm,” Atsushi grinned. He bent down and picked up another tray of beers. “I’ve known him for a looong time.”

“But…” Louie came forward and took the tray from Atsushi, relieving him of his burden and stacking it on top of the first tray. “But, don’t people change?” he asked.

“Less than you think,” Atsushi said, shaking his head as he went to get more shochu. “And least of all, Issay.”

“Hm.” Louie appeared to be deep in thought when Atsushi walked back to the trolley. He didn’t seem convinced.

“You don’t like him very much, do you?” Atsushi asked nonchalantly as he placed the bottles down and pushed the trolley away.

Louie blinked and stopped, cowed by the sudden question. “I- Well…” 

“It doesn’t matter to me, whether you like him or not,” Atsushi shrugged, making his way to the cashier. “I can tell Jill isn’t too fond of him either.”

“It’s just the things that we’ve heard…” Louie mumbled, unsure. “We’re worried about you,” he confessed.

“As I’ve said earlier, he’s the last person who would ever harm me,” Atsushi reiterated with a glance over his shoulder. “Honestly, you should’ve been more worried about all those flings,” he added with a laugh.

“Huh?” Louie blurted. “What did they-”

“No questions,” Atsushi silenced him with a thin smile. That was enough for today. Besides, the less he knew the better. For now.


	11. 10

Issay clutched a pack of cigarettes in his hands as he paced around the second floor. He said he would stay here but he wasn’t sure if Atsushi would mind that he smoked indoors. He only worried because he noticed Atsushi hadn’t smoked at all throughout this morning and he couldn’t find any cigarettes or lighters that might belong to Atsushi. There was an ashtray in his bedroom but… it looked clean. H e had thought of going into the backyard to smoke but it would mean that he had to go through the café. The only door which led outside was in there. Yet as much as he was itching for a smoke, Issay didn’t want to announce his presence to more people than he already had. Although, if there was no one in there except for Jill…

Tapping the cigarette box against his palm, Issay left Atsushi's room and descended the stairs. He could try and peep into the café through the door downstairs to see if any guests were there. Upon reaching the floor landing, Issay pressed his ear against the door to his immediate right and listened. It seemed quiet. Until a scraping noise started up.

Issay frowned and jerked back, startled by the loud sudden noise. He paused and stared at the door while the scraping continued. What was that? Well, the only way he was going to find out was by opening the door. He just hoped it wasn't a person who was making this noise.

Issay put his hand on the doorknob and twisted it as quietly as possible before slowly pushing it open. As soon as there was a gap though, something shot through it and past his legs, into his side of the building. Startled, Issay froze but he immediately managed to compose himself and stop himself from slamming the door shut. Closing it back, he slowly looked down to see what it was.

A short-fur calico cat greeted Issay with a meow and a purr as it weaved itself between his legs. Recognising the cat, he smiled, “Chibi!”

Issay made a move to crouch down while Chibi paused and waited for him to come within reach. Once Issay was close enough, Chibi let Issay scoop her up in his arms and curled up against him, purring.

“How have you been?” Issay asked the cat. Scratching under her chin, he muttered, “I thought I’d never get a chance to see you again.”

Chibi meowed and rubbed her face against Issay’s chin in return. Issay didn’t need Atsushi to tell him that the clingy feline was happy to see him. He wasn’t even sure if cats missed people but it sure felt like this one did. As happy as he was that Chibi still remembered him, though, Issay was still itching for a smoke.

Adjusting his hold on Chibi, Issay rocked the cat a little as he asked, “I suppose you’re coming with me?”

Chibi looked up at him and gave him a slow blink.

Issay smiled. “Well, let’s see if there’s anyone on the other side first,” he mumbled as he cast his eyes to the door.

With Chibi cradled in one arm, Issay put his cigarettes in his pants pocket and placed his hand on the doorknob. He turned it slowly and opened the door as quietly as he could, the same way he did before Chibi barged in. Pushing it open, Issay peeked through the gap and saw an empty café save for a couple of cats lounging where the faint sunlight reached. Issay exhaled a quiet sigh of relief as he continued his wary entry, making sure that there really were no customers around before closing the door behind him.

Now that he was on this side, Issay hurried towards the back and past Jill, who was wiping one of the small round tables. He could feel her staring at him as he made a beeline for the backdoor and let himself out without a word. Only when Issay reached outside did he let his shoulders slump and relax. It was nerve-wracking in there. After all, he couldn't predict when a customer might suddenly walk in.

Looking down, Issay saw that Chibi's bright green eyes were admiring the garden scenery around them, completely unperturbed by the tension which gripped him earlier. He smiled and nuzzled his face in her soft fur. If she was calm, he could trust that there was nothing to worry about.

Issay made his way to the little garden table by the window and sat down in the same chair as he did this morning at breakfast. Chibi promptly stood up, went onto the table, and lay down on it while Issay fished his cigarettes out of his pocket and took a stick out. Putting it between his lips, he lit the cigarette with habitual ease and turned away from Chibi as he exhaled his first puff. He didn't want to annoy her with the smoke.

As Issay watched the cigarette burn, a thought suddenly crossed his mind. He peered through the window and saw Jill near the sink. Issay knocked on the pane. She looked up and furrowed her brow but came over to open the window anyway despite her obvious reluctance.

"What?"

"Can you get me an ashtray?" Issay asked.

Jill held her tongue and handed him one she retrieved from under the counter.

"Thanks," Issay muttered. Just as Jill moved to shut the window, he said, "Oh! And if Atsushi comes back before I'm done, please tell him I'm out here."

"Does he need to know?" Jill questioned, hands on her hips. "It's not as if you're a child or something."

Issay pressed his lips thin, unamused. "Atsushi would get anxious," he replied. "But officially speaking, he's been asked to house me. He needs to know where I am."

Jill wrinkled her nose and eventually nodded, agreeing begrudgingly.

"Do you have something against me?" Issay asked, slightly ticked off by her reactions.

"You're a criminal."

"Surely that isn't all?" Issay scoffed.

"You're a dangerous person," Jill added.

"How did you deduce that?" Issay questioned.

"You're a serial killer."

That again. "Who told you that?" Issay asked with a frown. 

"One of those people who brought you here said so," Jill replied curtly.

Sucking in a breath through his cigarette, Issay shook his head and sighed, "You don't actually believe that do you? Don't you think my case would've already been all over the news if it's true?"

That seemed to give Jill pause.

"Media would be swarming… every single detail will be reported in real-time… I wouldn't be allowed out to stay outside of prison in the first place…" Issay paused to smoke his cigarette again. Tapping it against the edge of the ashtray, he continued, "If I truly were a serial killer, I wouldn't be here."

"How do you know that?" Jill asked.

"I used to be a cop," Issay revealed. "Obviously, not anymore but… that's what I was."

Issay was no longer looking at Jill who went silent. It seemed as if she was processing what he said. Letting her be, Issay kept smoking his cigarette while stroking Chibi's soft fur with his free hand. Watching her sleep was pleasantly relaxing.

"But you said you did kill people," Jill finally spoke.

"The circumstances are key," Issay replied with a sigh. "I can't explain in detail without divulging things about Atsushi, though," he added.

"Then how am I supposed to believe what you just said?"

"That's up to you," Issay shrugged. "I'm just saying it as it is."

"So… you were a police officer?"

"Detective, actually," Issay corrected with a small smile. "I quite liked the work."

"And now you're not."

"Unfortunately."

"How did that happen?" Jill asked.

"They looked at my family tree and decided they didn't want to risk having me around anymore," Issay replied as his mood took a dip at the reminder. 

"Your… family tree?"

Issay wanted to explain but on second thought… "I'm not sure whether it's a good idea to go into any more detail," he muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"Some people might get the wrong idea about the level of your involvement," Issay answered carefully. " Or lack thereof, rather."

Jill made a face. "What?"

"I need to discuss this with Atsushi," Issay concluded. "See what he thinks."

"What does Mr Sakurai have to do with this?" Jill asked in exasperation at getting brick-walled.

"Officially speaking, he's the one in charge and in the knowledge of the situation so it's up to him to decide how much or whether he wants his staff," Issay gestured at Jill, "to know."

"And unofficially speaking?"

"Well…" Issay paused and gave it a thought. "We've been engaged for over a year," he revealed. "Think about that for yourself."

The raucous noise of a door opening on the second floor interrupted their conversation. Jill snapped her head to the stairs, and Issay, too, tilted his head to try and see what was going on.

They heard a faint, distant call of, "Mr Sakurai!" as heavy footsteps thundered down the stairs, startling a couple of cats. Eventually, the one who emerged at the foot of the stairs was a flustered, panting Atsushi. His eyes were large and panicked as he scanned the room, searching until they spotted Issay through the open window.

"I told you he'd be anxious," Issay muttered softly to Jill as Atsushi hurried over.

Jill clicked her tongue in annoyance while Issay stood up and waited for Atsushi to come to him. Sure enough, Atsushi rushed to the backdoor, yanked it open and threw his arms around Issay.

Burying his face in Issay's neck, Atsushi whined softly, "If you disappeared…"

"I'm sorry," Issay apologised, patting the man's back with a kiss to his head. "I know I said I'd be upstairs but I wasn't sure if you smoked indoors. It didn't smell like you did."

"You can if you want," Atsushi offered, his voice small. "I just… If anything happened to you, I-"

"It's alright, love," Issay comforted, hugging him tightly. "I'm right here."

Atsushi lifted his head and nodded but Issay could still see the worry etched in his face.

"I wanted Jill to tell you I'm here if you came back before I'm done," Issay said, gently smoothing his fingers over Atsushi's worry lines. "I guess I held her up too long."

"Held her up?" Atsushi asked.

"I might've told her we've been engaged for more than a year," Issay grinned.

Atsushi made a strangled noise in his throat as he blinked and leaned back in surprise. "Why did you tell her that?" he asked.

"It's true, isn't it?" Issay chuckled, amused by Atsushi's reaction.

"I mean, yes but… There's not much of a reason to unless… we can actually…" Atsushi paused and looked down, troubled by the reminder of the difficulties they faced. Shaking that thought away, he asked, "Was she asking questions? Is that why?"

"Yes, I suppose, in a way," Issay nodded with a shrug. "But I guess I started it."

"Mm?"

"She seemed to have something against me and I wanted to know why."

"Ah, I think… it's because she has the wrong impression of you," Atsushi surmised.

"I can't exactly clear that up without implicating you, though," Issay pointed out with a smile as he finished the last of his cigarette. Separating himself from Atsushi, he went back to the table and stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray. "I'll leave it to you to decide whether it's better to keep them ignorant or how much you want to tell them," Issay went on. "It's going to affect you more than me, after all."

"Is it?" Atsushi asked, approaching to stand next to Issay and hold his hand.

"I can ignore the kids, you can't."

"That's true…"

"If there's anything you need from me, just let me know," Issay smiled as he squeezed Atsushi's hand. "Rest assured I'll do what I can."

Atsushi nodded and smiled back. "I know you will."


	12. 11

Atsushi dropped to his side and leaned into Issay's embrace. They were a good number of beer cans and a couple of bottles in by now and the familiar warm buzz of the inebriation had Atsushi feeling contented. Especially when he had Issay with him, kissing him, and feeling just as, if not even drunker than he was.

They were in the small living area on the second floor, barely paying any heed to the TV as they cuddled on the sofa. The only sounds which interrupted the muffled chatter from the late-night shows were Issay’s quiet moans and soft giggles. Atsushi couldn’t remember exactly when he last saw Issay this relaxed, but it must have been at least a decade ago now; before his abduction, before Kisaki, before everything went out of hand.

Issay blinked his half-lidded eyes at Atsushi, humming to himself softly as he brushed his thumb over Atsushi's brow, whispering, "Something's bothering my love."

"Nothing is," Atsushi shook his head, dismissing Issay's observation with a smile on his face.

"Little furrow on my love's brow," Issay muttered, gently massaging his thumb between Atsushi's eyebrows.

"Issay," Atsushi laughed as Issay drunkenly patted his head.

"My love," Issay mumbled with a silly smile on his face.

Atsushi sank into the couch to lie down next to him as he nuzzled against Issay's scarred cheek, something Issay seemed completely unbothered by when this drunk. Or maybe he just forgot about it. Whichever it is, Issay was bursting with joy as Atsushi kissed him again and again and again. No flinching, no hesitation. He simply basked in all the affection Atsushi had saved up to shower on him.

Issay’s soft, happy hums faded when Atsushi paused to look at him. Issay looked sleepy as he lazily blinked his eyes and sighed, “Love, my love, love of my life.”

Atsushi’s smile grew wider. “Yes?”

“Is my love going to fuck me?” Issay slurred.

“Huhn?!” Atsushi almost bit his tongue in surprise. Issay being relaxed was rare enough, but being this forward? Had it ever happened before?

“Will my love… make a mess of me?” Issay mused with a grin and a chuckle.

At a loss for words, Atsushi blurted, “But… you know I’m having a bit of a problem…”

“Am I not enough for my love?” Issay asked, his tone dropping into teasing disappointment. “Not enough of a turn on?” he chuckled to himself. 

Atsushi watched Issay languidly undo the buttons on his shirt, smirking as he went down his body until his shirt was fully open. Licking his lips, he dragged his finger along the trail of hair leading from his navel down under his pants. 

“Will my love be touching me?” Issay breathed as his fingers crept under the elastic. “Or watching me?”

"Touching," Atsushi whispered in a trance.

Utterly amused by Issay's behaviour, he couldn't stop himself from grinning as he dove in and started to kiss Issay. The man had never let himself go so far before. Atsushi wondered if Issay's freedom of any sort of 'work' commitments contributed to this. After all, Issay didn't need to worry about getting up for work the next day or picking up unexpected calls.

Issay's drunken giggles filled Atsushi's ears as he pinned Issay down on the couch and went lower to kiss his neck and collarbone. Each time Atsushi bit down, Issay let out delicious moans and gyrated his hips against Atsushi, egging him on. And sure enough, Issay's gestures were affecting him.

With one arm around Issay's waist, Atsushi teased the man's nipples with his teeth while his other hand reached down, moving along the side of Issay's hips to push his pants down. An elated chuckle filled Issay's chest as he wiggled his hips and cooperated with Atsushi's stripping of his clothes. Issay pulled one leg out of his pants and clumsily dropped it off the side of the couch. He still had his pants stuck on the ankle of his other leg, but he seemed too drunk to care about removing it entirely. 

"Oh, love!" Issay exclaimed, surprising Atsushi when he sucked on a nipple.

Issay had never reacted so strongly before. Perhaps the heat and the alcohol was making him more sensitive. Atsushi liked Issay's reactions, though. He liked the way Issay was showing how much he enjoyed himself; a stark contrast from how Issay would usually be more occupied with making him happy.

Issay hugged Atsushi tight, fingers grasping at Atsushi's hair as Atsushi kept kissing Issay's body while pulling his own pants down to free his hardened cock. He was hard now but in the back of his mind, Atsushi was worried; he wasn't sure he could last.

"Love?" Issay's quiet inquiry reached Atsushi's ears.

Atsushi looked up, past Issay's chest, rising and falling with each breath to meet his concerned eyes. He caught Atsushi brooding. Atsushi gave him a quick shake of his head and rose up. Kissing Issay, he slid his hand between their bodies and held both their erections together.

Issay's breath grew quick and moans sounded in his throat when Atsushi started thrusting his hips and rubbing their erections together in the palm of his hand. He could feel his own pleasure building along with the small voice in his head demanding more. He wanted more.

Then, Issay broke their kiss and looked Atsushi in the eye. Holding his face in his hands, Issay whispered breathlessly, "I need my love inside of me."

Atsushi nodded. As he brought his fingers to Issay's mouth, Issay parted his lips and let Atsushi's fingers in, sucking with evident pleasure as he coated the digits with his saliva. Once they were wet, Atsushi withdrew his fingers, watching a string of drool extend from Issay's flushed, bruised lips before he reached below and began teasing Issay's entrance.

Issay closed his eyes and hummed, breaking into a smile as Atsushi rubbed his fingers around his rim and firmly pushed one in. Issay sighed and arched his back in response, clearly enjoying Atsushi's slow and steady thrusting. He shuddered when Atsushi added a second, and his body tensed for a passing moment when the third finger went in. Atsushi noticed Issay's brow furrowing even as he shuddered and moaned again. Even if he wore his pleasure on his sleeve, Issay was most certainly not used to it.

Atsushi thought of dragging it out a little longer, of keeping at it until Issay was a little more relaxed, but a smirk appeared on Issay’s face with a teasing, “What is my love waiting for?”

Well, then, if Issay said so. Barking a laugh, Atsushi retracted his fingers and spat in his hand. He then coated his erection with his saliva, working himself back up at the same time before positioning himself between Issay’s legs.

Issay lifted his legs and hooked his arms around the back of his knees, putting himself on display while Atsushi grabbed him by his waist and slowly eased himself in. Issay's hard cock twitched while he moaned and curled his toes as Atsushi pushed himself all the way in. Feeling Issay's insides close around him, Atsushi gasped in pleasure, relishing the closeness between them. He hadn't stuck his dick in anyone in a long while, let alone raw and being in Issay was turning out to be so much more than he remembered.

A light, fleeting touch brushed past Atsushi’s cheek. Looking up, Atsushi saw Issay looking at him while a half-lidded gaze. Breathing shallow, Issay’s fingers gently grazed Atsushi’s cheek again as he whispered, “Move for me, my love.”

Atsushi nodded as he leaned forward, crouching over Issay with elbows on either side of the man while Issay latched his legs onto Atsushi’s torso. Brushing Issay’s hair away from his face, Atsushi smiled as Issay caressed his face in return before snaking his arms around Atsushi's neck to pull him closer.

Hovering an inch away from each other, Atsushi nuzzled against Issay and started moving his hips with steady, hard thrusts. He had his face in Issay's hair as he huffed, breathing the shampoo in his locks with each jerk of his hips. Atsushi could feel Issay's fingers tangling themselves up in his own hair, grabbing and tugging as the man moaned and tightened his grip on Atsushi.

Getting into it, Issay started moving his hips in tandem with Atsushi, gyrating and moving until Atsushi's erection hit his prostate just right. Issay's voice pitched as Atsushi kept a firm hold on Issay and sped up. Fueled by his lover's moans and cries for him, Atsushi found himself coaxed into a heady haze, thinking about nothing but the simple desire to keep adding to their pleasure. The feeling of his sweat-sheened skin against Issay's body, the fingers reaching down his neck and scratching at him, Issay's erection rubbing between their bodies, his own hard dick moving inside of Issay; all of it fed Atsushi's pleasure, adding to it until he finally reached his limit.

Issay's legs were wound tightly around his waist, locking Atsushi in position as he felt the squeeze before the release of pleasure, rushing through his body as he came inside Issay with a shuddering, breathless gasp. At that moment, Issay, too, ejaculated between them, releasing his warm, sticky cum onto both their stomachs.

Issay let go of Atsushi with a sigh, letting the younger man ease himself out. Pausing, Atsushi felt his cheeks warming as he watched his cum dribbling out of Issay. He tore his eyes away from the sight and reached for the tissues on the nearby coffee table to carefully wipe both Issay and himself clean. Once he was sure that he got all their fluids, even those on the pleather couch, Atsushi bunched it all up in a ball and turned to Issay, asking softly, “Bathroom?”

No answer came. For a brief moment, the chatter from the TV died down and Atsushi heard deep quiet breathing. Issay had already fallen asleep. Stifling his laughter, Atsushi couldn’t help but smile at Issay’s sleeping form changing colours with whatever ad was being broadcast on TV. He never thought of Issay as the type to get so drunk that he would fall asleep right after sex. Well, what did it matter anyway?

Chuckling to himself, Atsushi put the tissues down and grabbed the thin blanket that was draped over the back of the sofa. He lay down next to Issay as he adjusted the blanket, making sure that it covered Issay's bare legs and their barely-dressed bodies before he made himself comfortable between Issay and the back cushions of the sofa. Settling in, Atsushi put an arm around Issay and closed his eyes. Perhaps, he could rest awhile. At least, until Issay woke up.

Although, it felt like he barely just did when he felt Issay move and heard his steady breathing turn into a groan. Atsushi blinked his heavy eyelids, the only sure sign that he did fall asleep. He could see that the TV was still on and the room was already turning blue from the early dawn.

Issay slowly sat up, pressing a hand to his back as he slouched on the edge of the couch. As he paused and sighed, Atsushi moved his arm, snaking it around Issay's waist.

"Love?" Issay croaked softly, twisting around. "Did I wake you?"

"Mmh," Atsushi merely hummed. Turning his head, he looked up and met Issay's tired eyes. “How are you feeling?” he asked as Issay patted his head.

Issay took a deep breath and sighed. “I must admit,” he muttered, “my back is killing me.”

Atsushi laughed softly.

“I wonder whose fault it is,” Issay added dryly as he watched the news on TV with a wry smile.

“Mm, I wonder,” Atsushi said in a light sing-song tone with a grin.

“ _ In today’s weather report, we report that a second typhoon has started up and is approaching us…” _

The newscaster’s announcement made Atsushi sit up and fix his eyes to the TV screen. All sorts of infographics flashed in front of them. Wind speeds, expected severity, rain levels, projected path… As Atsushi’s eyes followed the curve of the blinking red arrow, the newscaster continued, “ _ It is expected to make landfall in five days, entering from the southern Kyushu island instead of the Okinawan peninsula, before making its way up… _ ”

Atsushi’s eyes grew wide and he gasped.

“What is it, love?”

“It’s coming right for us."


	13. 12

Issay was sitting comfortably in the armchair Atsushi got for him. He had his morning coffee on the table and a book in his hand to read but he couldn't focus on it. He kept looking at Atsushi who was now making breakfast behind the bar counter with his two staff.

Atsushi had been largely silent since they saw the news this morning. It was obvious to Issay that Atsushi's mind was somewhere else, yet Atsushi didn't seem willing to talk about it. Maybe Issay had to initiate the conversation.

With most of his hair tied back in a low ponytail, Atsushi's furrowed brow was in plain view as he brought their breakfast of toast and eggs to Issay. They were eating indoors today because a light rain started falling, like a sign that the weather report they saw was right.

Atsushi sat down and tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear. Without looking at Issay, he muttered, "Let's eat."

"Mn," Issay nodded and picked up a slice of warm buttered toast. Waiting for a chance to broach the subject, he kept watching Atsushi as he took his first bite and chewed.

Atsushi, of course, noticed it. "Is there something on my face?" he asked, eyes darting to Issay.

"A frown," Issay replied pointedly in a low voice. Without waiting for Atsushi's confirmation, he stated flatly, "You're worried about something."

The furrow grew deeper as Atsushi started pouting. "I'm…" Pausing, he looked down, pressed his lips thin and wrinkled his nose. Then, he huffed and mumbled, "The typhoon…"

"We just need to prepare rations and reinforce the windows, right?" Issay asked as he took another bite of his toast.

"That's not what's bothering me," Atsushi said with a shake of his head.

"Then, what is it?"

"You moved here because a typhoon was headed to where you lived, right?"

"Yeah," Issay nodded. "And?"

"Won't you have to move again?' Atsushi asked, worried eyes glistening as he looked at Issay.

"I've barely been here for two days, love," Issay pointed out. "I don't think they'd want to go through the trouble of it all again so soon."

"But… there's an approaching typhoon," Atsushi muttered, unconvinced. “And you moved here because…"

"Before coming here, I lived on a beach, by the sea," Issay explained. "I suppose they predicted that if a typhoon were to hit there, the house would be at risk of getting torn apart. But here, with buildings all around and, I think I saw a forest or something on the way?"

"There is one, yes," Atsushi confirmed. "With a mountain."

"It's highly unlikely we'd be dealt any sort of devastating damage by the typhoon here," Issay concluded. "Unless… are we near any rivers?" 

Atsushi shook his head.

"Ah, good," Issay smiled. "That means even less of a chance for flooding."

"So… you don't think they'd make you relocate again?" Atsushi asked. Much of his worries have faded from his expression, but there was still some doubt in his eyes.

"No, I don't think they will," Issay assured. "It's probably quite troublesome for them too," he mused as he finished the last of his first piece of toast. Sipping his coffee, he added, "Besides, if they had to ask you for this… favour," Issay gestured at himself and winked, "I'm guessing they don't have many options, to begin with."

Atsushi nodded his head and hummed softly in agreement. Slowly picking up a slice of toast for himself, he started putting some scrambled eggs on it as he mumbled, "I still don't know why Yoshida would ask me, though. Or how they even approved this."

"It didn't look like Yoshida had full knowledge of what was going on either," Issay said, recalling the man's surprise when they saw each other just a couple of days ago. "At this point, I wonder if anyone involved in approving the decision knew anything at all."

"Did we…" Atsushi frowned and puckered his lips in a pout. "Was our relationship really  _ that _ hidden?" he asked. "We weren't exactly hiding it, were we?"

"We were but... We weren't very discrete, were we?" Issay replied with a smirk. "Well, maybe other than when I was still employed by them," he corrected, remembering the days when he had to excuse himself from events and leave early to meet Atsushi.

“I  _ did _ meet you right outside HQ, though, didn’t I?”

“They probably thought we were co-conspirators or something,” Issay chuckled. Taking a bit from another piece of toast, he added, “Like Morioka did. Remember him? I wonder how he’s doing.”

“Oh… him,” Atsushi muttered, eyes growing large as he ate his eggs. “He, uh…”

“Hm?”

“I think one of our guys… got him,” Atsushi mumbled. “That was a few years ago, I think.”

“Huh.”

“I know he was hospitalised but I don’t remember hearing about him since.”

“… Oh.” Issay spread a teaspoon of jam on one corner of his toast. “I guess… he might’ve decided to move into administrative work,” he reckoned. “Or something.”

“Mm…”

The light jingling of the bell over the cafe’s entrance announced a visitor, startling Issay and making him freeze. What should he do? He wanted to escape out of the visitor’s sight but getting up and leaving now, when the visitor was already inside would only draw more attention to himself than if he just stayed put.

Looking up, Louie put down whatever he was doing and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re not open yet-”

“Oh, I’m actually looking for someone-”

The moment he heard that voice, Issay stood up and stiffly turned around. “Haru?”

“And I found that someone,” Haru grinned. “I see you’ve settled in nicely.”

“What are you doing here?” Issay asked in confusion as he stifled a groan. The ache in his back was persistent. “It’s only been a couple of days.

“So what if it’s only been a couple of days?” Haru laughed as he approached, his cane tapping on the ground with each step. “I’m here to check in on you because that’s my job.”

“I thought you were relieved of this job,” Issay laughed.

“Someone else may have  _ thankfully _ taken my place as your live-in babysitter, but! I’m still your appointed babysitter,” Haru sighed with a dramatic air of resignation. “Speaking of which I haven’t had the chance to meet your new babysitter yet.”

“Well, he’s right here,” Issay said, swinging an arm behind him to gesture at Atsushi who had just begun to stand up.

“Good, that makes things easier for me,” Haru beamed as he came towards Atsushi with an outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you! I hope this guy isn’t giving you too much trouble-”

Finding it odd that Haru stopped mid-sentence, Issay turned and saw Haru and Atsushi staring at each other. He furrowed his brow and asked, “Have… you two met?”

A muscle in Haru's face twitched. "You’re the one who knocked-!"

Issay immediately stepped forward and grabbed Haru's arm in a firm hold, startling the man into silence. When Haru turned to him, Issay smiled and said, "You know, I was thinking we should probably go somewhere more private to speak."

"This man-!"

Issay forced a loud laugh and put an arm around Haru's neck, essentially keeping him in an awkward chokehold as he led them away from the two kids behind the bar. "You know, I'm really glad you both have met before," Issay loudly said as he looked over his shoulder and beckoned a sheepish Atsushi to follow. "This is going to make things a lot easier."

"Easier?!" Haru sputtered.

Paying no heed to Haru, Issay opened the door to the other side and dragged the man in with him, muttering, "C'mon, this way."

"Where are you taking me?" Haru hissed.

Issay let Haru go as the man wrenched himself free while Atsushi filed in after them. Once Atsushi closed the door behind him, Issay put his hands on his hips and asked, "So, you know him?"

"You know how I got this leg?" Haru raised as he thumped his cane on the floor.

"Word is, you were run over when someone was running away from you," Issay replied.

"That's right," Haru huffed. "And this," he jabbed a finger in Atsushi's directions, “is that someone. This man ran me over-"

"I did not!' Atsushi cut in from behind Issay, rebutting immediately.

“Oh, don't you deny it!" Haru countered. "I'd remember that pretty face anywhere!"

Issay sighed and looked over his shoulder at Atsushi. "Did you do that?" he asked, softening his tone.

"I guess, maybe," Atsushi confessed with his eyes to the floor. "But I wasn't running from him!" he argued as he snapped his head up again, in Haru's direction.

"Why wouldn't you be running from me?!" Haru questioned. "I was there on an investigation!"

"I was just sent there to collect a debt!" Atsushi explained. "I had nothing to do with whatever you were looking for!"

"Then why did you run me over?!" Haru challenged.

"I didn't mean to! You were in the way!" Atsushi argued, throwing a frustrated gesture.

"I was standing in that very spot for over half an hour," Haru growled. "The only way you could've hit me was on purpose!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Atsushi insisted.

Haru took a step forward, prompting Issay, who had been a speechless observer so far, to step in front of Atsushi and block Haru's path. "Hold on now," he warned with a low voice.

"What?" Haru huffed.

"What are you intending?" Issay asked, warily looking the man up and down. "The incident is long past now and he's been officially engaged to house me. You can't just do whatever you want with him," he went on before adding under his breath, "not that I'd let you."

Eyes still on Atsushi, Haru quipped, "On our payroll, are you? How did you get this stint with your past, huh? Did you bribe someone?"

"That's what we were wondering too, Haru," Issay cut in. "It doesn't make sense to either of us that Yoshida was instructed to ask Acchan, let alone get approval for this assignment."

" … Wait." Haru blinked and paused. "That's Acchan?"

"Hn?" Atsushi made a confused noise. "You know…?"

"You're telling me," Haru stepped back to look at both Issay and Atsushi, "that the lover you've been wailing about for the whole damn year-"

"Now, now. Let's not go there," Issay interrupted with a grimace on his face as he went towards Haru and kept his back to Atsushi. This was embarrassing. He never intended to let Atsushi know about this.

"Ohh, no," Haru waggled a finger at Issay. "I had such a hard time keeping you from drowning in the sea-"

"What?" Atsushi's soft utterance reached Issay's ears.

"-and chasing you around on your hallucinatory wild goose chases-"

"Love," Issay tossed a glance over his shoulder, at Atsushi who looked increasingly worried. "Love, don't listen to him," he said, forcing a smile on his face as he tried to stop Haru from speaking. It wasn't working, though.

"Don't listen to me?" Haru barked a laugh. "Well, then who's gonna tell your Acchan the kind of trouble you've been giving me?"

"He doesn't need to know," Issay hissed with his jaw clenched.

"And after all of that, they decided to find him and assign him to keep an eye on you?" Haru concluded with a shake of his head. "Maybe that's why he got picked; so that no one else would have to have as hard a time as I did."

"Issay?" Atsushi's voice came closer. A tentative hand touched Issay's shoulder. "Issay, what is he saying?"

Looking over his shoulder, Issay winced when he saw Atsushi's concerned expression. Slowly turning to face him, Issay sighed, "Love, I… I'm fine now." 

Mouth agape, Atsushi's eyes searched Issay’s face as he struggled to find something to say. Eventually, his eyes dropped to the ground and he mumbled, "But…" 

"You don't have to worry," Issay coaxed softly as he gently pressed his thumb between Atsushi's eyebrows, instantly bringing a smile to his lips. "So, don't frown, love. Or you'll be getting creases," he teased, feeling his heart lift at the sight.

"You know," Haru piped up, "I thought you were joking when you spoke about a male spouse."

"Why would I joke about that?" Issay asked as his face contorted with incredulity.

" _ You _ don't have any rings on your fingers," Haru pointed out with a wave of his cane.

"Ah, that," Issay grimaced as he glanced at his hand. "I never got the chance to get it made," he explained. "I rushed the goldsmith for his ring," Issay lifted Atsushi's left hand, "so I could give it to him as soon as I could."

"And yours?"

"Well," Issay sighed. "I wanted to get it made once we made it home safely after… all that happened, but…"

"We never did," Atsushi finished quietly.

Issay's brow furrowed at the memory. Feeling more and more pensive by the moment, he glanced at Atsushi and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Atsushi's eyes finally left the floor to meet his own. They weren't overflowing with tears, but Issay could see the pain in his eyes. After all, he felt it too.

“That means… he’s the one who your stepbrother abducted?” Haru surmised.

Issay nodded. Caressing Atsushi’s cheek with a hand, he gazed into his lover’s as he muttered, “I never intended for him to get dragged into this.”

“Don’t say that,” Atsushi whispered.

“That was one of the main terms you brought up last year,” Haru recalled.

Issay nodded again. “Any yet…”

“And yet,  _ we’re _ the ones who brought him back into the equation,” Haru huffed with a shake of his head. Clicking his tongue, he tapped his cane on the ground and started pacing, muttering, “I wonder how this happened. There must be some mistake somewhere.”

“I take that you weren’t part of this decision-making process, then,” Issay deduced.

“No, I was busy watching you,” Haru reminded. “I guess I’ll have to check with the-”

“Actually,” Issay piped up, “since this is the situation we’re in now… Could you get them to let me stay here?”

Haru stared at Issay for a moment, stunned. “ … Don’t you want to keep him out of your… all that?”

“Yes,” Issay agreed with a sigh and a grimace, “but, moving me here has already implicated him, hasn’t it?”

“Not to mention here, privacy isn’t exactly…”

“Yeah, I know,” Issay nodded in resignation. “Word of my arrival has already started spreading from day one.”

“And what if trouble comes knocking?” Haru asked.

“That’ll speed up the investigation, won’t it?” Issay chuckled. “More leads.”

“That is  _ if  _ you can handle them on your own,” Haru pointed out. “What if you can’t?”

“Then… Give Atsushi your number,” Issay suggested. “He can put you on speed dial.”

“Why me?” Atsushi grumbled.

“Because I don’t have a phone, love,” Issay smiled at him. 

“Oh.”

“Hrm…” Haru took a moment to consider Issay’s proposal before saying, “If you really think it’s a good idea, I’ll ask for you. But I can’t promise anything.” “Alright, that’s all I’m hoping for,” Issay smiled, releasing a breath he didn’t realise he held. “Thank you, Haru.”

“Don’t thank me so soon. We don’t even know what’ll come of this yet,” Haru warned.

“What do  _ you _ think about this arrangement, though?” Issay asked.

“Dodgy,” Haru replied, scrunching his face up in a brief scowl. “But at least you’re happier now. And that means your head’s screwed on a little tighter which will make it easier for us to work with on the investigation.”

“Ah, that’s true,” Issay laughed sheepishly.

“So, yeah, I think it might be worth the risk even if my gut feels funny about this,” Haru conceded with a wrinkle of his nose.

“We’ll see what the office says, then,” Issay acknowledged with a smile and a nod. At least, with Haru seeing the positives in this, it was more likely that he would put forward a stronger proposal than if he was against it.

“Yeah,” Haru nodded. “We’ll see."


	14. 14

Atsushi opened his eyes to Issay's empty spot in his bed. He didn't need to look for Issay, though; he was sitting on the edge of the bed, hunched over with his back facing Atsushi. Issay emitted a quiet sigh and ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back before rubbing his face with the same hand and then falling silent.

Atsushi quietly watched Issay's silver-lined silhouette in the faint moonlight streaming in through a slit in the curtains. Sometimes Issay's presence still didn't feel quite real to him and this was one of those times. He looked ephemeral; like he was going to melt away into the darkness once the light disappears. Him being just so slightly out of reach didn't help either. Atsushi lifted his arm and stretched his fingers in Issay's direction to touch his unclothed back.

Surprised, Issay sucked in a short, sharp breath and straightened his back. He slowly turned and looked over his shoulder. Meeting Atsushi's eyes, Issay whispered, "Love? Did I wake you?"

Atsushi blinked slowly and shook his head. He wasn't sure why he woke up either. Instead, Atsushi drew closer, sliding his hand around Issay's hip and then to his upper thigh before asking, "Is something the matter?"

"I just… can't sleep," Issay muttered with a wane smile. "Thinking too much. Maybe."

"About what?" Atsushi asked, sitting up as he caressed Issay's thigh.

"About… I don't know," Issay chuckled and looked up at the scant beam of light. "Everything? This morning, the weather, the beach house, the past, the future…"

"You don't usually do so much thinking," Atsushi teased as he rested his chin on Issay's shoulder.

"I was thinking of going downstairs for a smoke," Issay said, looking at Atsushi.

"You don't have to go anywhere to do that," Atsushi huffed.

“Your room will smell if I smoke here,” Issay warned, smiling as Atsushi’s arms curled tighter.

“That can be remedied,” Atsushi insisted, “with scented candles and a wash of the sheets.”

“You could come downstairs with me?” Issay suggested. “It’d be less troublesome.”

“I don’t want to move,” Atsushi muttered petulantly as he buried his face in Issay’s neck. “I have an ashtray somewhere around here, anyway.”

"If you insist," Issay chuckled and began to stand up.

"Where are you going?" 

"I'm just going to open a window," Issay replied. Brushing the curtains aside, he unlatched one half of the window and pushed it ajar. "Otherwise, we'd be suffocating ourselves with smoke," he added with a laugh.

"I don't mind if it means dying in your arms," Atsushi teased. "The ashtray's in the back of the dresser's first drawer," he said as he pointed his index finger towards it.

"That again," Issay tutted despite breaking into a smile.

"Again?" Atsushi echoed, tilting his head to one side.

"You said something along those lines before," Issay reminded as he fished the ashtray out.

"Did I?" Atsushi couldn't remember any recent instance of it.

"Years ago," Issay nodded. "In the backroom…

"… Ah." All at once, the memory of their little… escapade in the back of that little convenience store came rushing back to Atsushi, rapidly warming his cheeks up. "Why would you remember something like that?" he muttered.

"Why wouldn't I?" Issay smiled. Standing beside the bed and by the window, he put the ashtray on the bedside table and smirked as he traced a finger along Atsushi's jaw and whispered, "I remember everything, my love. Especially when it comes to you."

Atsushi squinted his eyes in a bashful giggle and looked to the side. "Are you sure you remember everything?" he asked, disbelieving.

Picking up his lighter, Issay held it in front of him and clicked it a few times with a grin. "Test me if you wish," he challenged before sucking in his first puff.

"First time we met?" Atsushi asked.

"That's too easy, love, isn't it?" Issay laughed. "The first day of your second term in high school."

"When, exactly?"

"Mid-morning, between second and third period," Issay answered without the slightest hint of hesitation. Going on, he added, "At the back of the school, where the sports equipment storerooms were."

Atsushi hummed and smiled as the memory came to him. Issay was right; this was an easy one. He still remembered that Issay had snuck out of class for a smoke while Atsushi himself was skipping out on a physical education period when a few of his fellow cohort-mates were coming to heckle him again. Not that Atsushi was some sort of teacher's pet. He just had no more friends after they all got arrested for gang activities earlier that year.

"So, what did we do?" Atsushi asked, prompting Issay to continue.

"Nothing," Issay grinned, exhaling white clouds of cigarette smoke. "I made those kids leave you alone, and then you thanked me with the most horrible look I've ever received from you."

"Such a meddler," Atsushi teased with a joking glare.

Issay simply laughed as he looked down with a shake of his head.

"Sometimes, I do wonder, though," Atsushi began, "why  _ did _ you butt in?"

"Because… it was love at first sight."

"Liar," Atsushi accused with a chortle. "I remember how much you didn't want me to have anything to do with you," he recalled.

Issay broke into a smile at Atsushi's words. "Right. But looking back now, I guess it was rather pointless," he remarked.

"So, why did you get involved?" Atsushi pressed as he leaned forward from the bed.

"I didn't want to be reminded of home," Issay replied, his smile fading a little. "After all, I chose to enrol somewhere far from it to get away from all that."

"Oh, right… There was that," Atsushi muttered. He remembered envying Issay for living on his own, away from his family. He remembered wanting that for himself too.

"Those were… simpler days, weren't they?" Issay mused as he cupped Atsushi's cheek with a hand.

"They were," Atsushi agreed, smiling as Issay stroked his cheek. Even the problems he had were simpler. "Would you have done anything differently, though?" Atsushi asked.

"Hm?"

"Would you have… kissed me sooner? For example," Atsushi grinned.

Issay laughed and stepped to the side to tap his cigarette against the edge of the ashtray. "Well… Our first kiss was at Madame's bar, wasn't it?" he said. "If it was going to be sooner than that…"

"It would've been before you graduated," Atsushi guessed. "Or, on your graduation day."

"Would you have liked that?" Issay asked as he sucked in a breath through the cigarette. Eyes darting to meet Atsushi's, he asked, "Would you rather I kiss you than give you my jacket's second button?"

Atsushi smiled at the memory. "Maybe."

"Come to think of it," Issay raised an eyebrow, "do you still have it? The button?"

"Um…"

"You don't," Issay surmised with a gentle laugh. "I'm crushed," he laughed even as he clutched his chest and pretended to double over. "I gave you my adolescent heart and you lost it."

"No! It's not like that," Atsushi whined.

"Well, then, what happened to it?" Issay asked, straightening up with that same smile on his lips. "Just out of curiosity."

"When… I first… got all tangled up with the debts and the drugs and the works," Atsushi hesitantly began, "I thought… that… if you knew the kind of person I became, you wouldn't want to be me anymore. So, I threw your button into the river," he finished weakly.

Putting this memory into words brought back all the conflicting emotions Atsushi felt at the time — his longing for Issay, his disappointment in himself at the things he had done and where he had ended up, his frustration at failing to find Issay even after spending two years in the capital… Back then, he couldn't have guessed where he would be now. He didn't even have any hope that he could ever be-

"Love."

Atsushi blinked and Issay's face came into view. His cigarette had been stubbed out and both of Issay's hands were now occupied with holding Atsushi's face in them.

Thumbs gently caressing his cheeks, Issay whispered, "Love, I'm here."

"Did you forget about me?" Atsushi asked as his eyes welled up with tears. "Did you forget about me during those years?"

"No," Issay shook his head. "I couldn't."

"Even when you were getting engaged?"

"I… convinced myself that you were better off without me," Issay replied, looking away with regret. "I convinced myself that you were in a better place, doing well for yourself, having a normal life."

"Is that why you believed me when I said I worked in finance?" Atsushi asked, managing a laugh despite his tears rolling down his cheeks.

Issay, too, broke into a smile at the memory. "I desperately wanted to believe it," he confessed quietly. "Strange as it was."

A muffled laugh sounded in his throat as Atsushi sniffed and reached for Issay, pulling him closer to kiss him. Tasting Issay's cigarette-stained lips which felt so achingly familiar, Atsushi couldn't help but smile as he whispered, "You're such a silly man."

"I'll believe anything you say," Issay beamed back. Nuzzling against Atsushi, he muttered, "As long as you're not hurting yourself."

"What if I say I don't love you?" Atsushi dared.

"If you can look me in the eyes and tell you'll be happier without me, I will leave," Issay replied with a cold determination in his eyes. "Whatever makes you happy, I'll do it."

On the verge of being overwhelmed by Issay's resolve, Atsushi kissed him again, harder this time as he curled his fingers in Issay's hair. Issay returned the kiss with an intensity which matched Atsushi's, contrasting the enduring tenderness with which he held Atsushi. Leaning back, Atsushi dropped onto the bed as he pulled Issay down to lie with him.

Issay's hand slid down Atsushi's back, tracing his spine to his hips before curling his arm around it. Sucking in a breath through his nose, Issay lifted Atsushi's hips with his arm, bringing them closer for just the briefest of moments to grind their hips together.

Feeling Issay's crotch against his thigh, a soft whimper of desire sounded in Atsushi's throat. Breaking the kiss, Atsushi whined, "I want you."

“You want me?” Issay echoed with a bemused chuckle.

“Take me to heaven,” Atsushi sighed with a dramatic toss of his head. Flicking his hair away and exposing his neck, he looked at Issay out of the corner of his eyes and whispered, “Shower me with your love.”

Issay laughed and cooed, “Your wish is my command.”

Issay’s warm breath tickled Atsushi’s skin as Issay gently nibbled on his ear, making the younger man giggle and sigh with pleasure while his hands worked to relieve Atsushi of the robe he wore. Issay tugged the knot loose and pushed the fabric aside, revealing the pale skin of Atsushi’s body to him. Atsushi watched as Issay paused to look at him, his eyes wandering and admiring his body which had finally healed from the recent bruises.

Atsushi stretched his arms open, inviting Issay into his embrace. Seeing this, Issay smiled and dove back in, whispering, “My beautiful lover.”

Atsushi felt like his chest was about to burst open as Issay kissed him again. Lying on the bed, he felt Issay’s hands wandering, fondling his body as his robe gradually slid off his shoulders. The teasing felt even sweeter than usual, slower but more sensual, more deliberate. The way Issay’s fingers traced the dips and curves of Atsushi’s body, the way Issay tasted him with his tongue, the way he caressed Atsushi’s skin with his lips and the occasional graze of his teeth… Atsushi could only close his eyes and surrender his body to Issay. After all, he was already helpless to how effortlessly Issay was stoking the desire smouldering in the pit of his stomach.

Atsushi breathed deeply and sighed as Issay’s kisses travelled down his torso. His heart started beating faster in anticipation. Soft bites trailed after Issay’s kisses, no doubt leaving marks in their wake as Issay’s hands groped the round of Atsushi’s rear. They squeezed his ass in a firm grip, but only for a moment before sliding to the back of his thighs to lift his legs up.

Cracking his eyes open, Atsushi saw Issay kissing his hips before shifting to his thighs. As Issay stuck his tongue out and pressed it to Atsushi’s leg, he caught sight of Atsushi watching him. Holding eye contact, Issay dragged his tongue up Atsushi’s leg and as he approached his knee, Issay switched to trailing kisses back down, occasionally nipping at the soft flesh until he came back to Atsushi’s crotch.

Issay buried his face in Atsushi’s crotch as he shuddered and whimpered and fought the instinct to snap his legs shut. It had been over a year since the incident and although it thankfully didn’t leave a physical mark, the impact it left on his mind was too significant for Atsushi to let go of. But Issay’s kisses, Issay’s hands smoothing over his legs.

Atsushi closed his eyes with another sigh. Issay’s firm squeezes felt so oddly comforting that when he shuddered again, it was from the pulses of sweet pleasure that Issay evoked when he mouthed Atsushi’s balls. After a moment, Issay dragged his tongue down along Atsushi’s perineum and pushed it against his entrance. Atsushi automatically gasped when he felt Issay’s tongue licking his rim. His breathing grew heavier as his chest rose and fell with Issay’s licking until Issay’s tongue entered him. Atsushi moaned and arched his back. His erection was fully hard now, twitching and eager for more as Issay continued his onslaught.

Then, Issay stopped. Before Atsushi could react, though, he sensed Issay’s fingers pushing into his ass. Two fingers, to be exact. They went in and out as Issay curled and moved them, shifting until Issay hit his prostate. It was obvious when he found it. Atsushi couldn’t hold back from letting his voice pitch with an even louder moan.

As he bunched the sheets up in his fists, Atsushi shivered and moaned from Issay’s incessant curling of his fingers. He kept them inside of Atsushi, not once going with a thrust instead as he kept feeding the pleasure.

For Atsushi, it had been so long since he had been dealt with such a single-minded treatment that it was overwhelming. His mind was blank. He couldn’t think of anything except of the terrifying sense that something in him was about to break. Atsushi scratched at the sheets, desperate for something to hold onto as he reached his limit and sure enough, whatever was holding it all back broke. Pleasure washed over his body like floodwaters rushing even as Atsushi watched the strange contrasting sight of his dick ejaculating his come in spurts, letting it dribble down.

Issay gradually slowed his movements, taking it down bit by bit until the tension in Atsushi’s body faded away. Lying on the bed, Atsushi felt exhausted. He was vaguely aware of Issay withdrawing his fingers. It was moments after that when he finally felt Issay’s arms around him to collect Atsushi with his robe and wrap him up.

Atsushi latched onto Issay, burying his face in him as he muttered, “You haven’t… yet…”

“Not tonight, love,” Issay said softly. “You’re spent.”

Atsushi whined uselessly but Issay only chuckled and kissed him on his head. It looks like he wouldn’t be able to convince Issay otherwise tonight. Letting out a sigh of resignation, Atsushi mumbled, “I was afraid when that man appeared this morning.”

“Hm? Haru?”

“I thought he was going to take you away.”

“He wasn’t,” Issay assured with another kiss and a gentle rock. “That’s… not how they would’ve done it anyway.”

“I don’t want them to take you,” Atsushi whined, clutching Issay tighter. “I don’t want to be without you.”

“And you won’t,” Issay promised. “As long as I have a say in it, you won’t. Who else will love you the way I love you?” he added in a light-hearted tease.

Atsushi looked up at Issay. Seeing his soft smile and his gentle eyes filled Atsushi with the irresistible urge to kiss him again. Which he did to Issay’s heartwarming laugh. After hearing it, Atsushi didn’t have the heart to tell him that he would’ve run over Haru again if it meant he could stop them from taking Issay away. Having Issay around again was absolute bliss. And he wasn’t about to let anyone take that away from him ever again.


	15. 14

When Issay bent over to pick up Chibi, Boo, Atsushi’s new silver Himalayan ran over and started climbing up his leg. A smile tugged at Issay’s lips as he stood up and held Chibi in one arm while waiting for the Himalayan to make his way high enough before gathering him up in his other arm. Over the past few days, the adolescent kitten warmed up to him considerably, surprising even Atsushi with his enthusiasm for Issay.

Exiting the cat room and descending the stairs, Issay chuckled to himself as he wondered whether Atsushi would get jealous of Boo’s attachment to him. After all, he _did_ buy Boo while Issay, on the other hand, just showed up.

Issay weaved past the empty tables and chairs with Chibi in his arms and Boo on his shoulders. Atsushi was behind the bar counter with his hair pulled back in his usual ponytail and an apron tied around his waist. He had decided to get involved with operations today. He would, of course, much rather spend his time with Issay but with the weather as rainy as it was, they would be stuck in the café area anyway so he thought he might as well revert to his usual routine for a bit.

As Issay approached their table, Atsushi noticed his presence and looked up from whatever he was doing. Seeing Issay, he smiled and shyly tucked his fringe behind his ear. The sight made Issay's heart flutter and instantly brought a smile to his face as he let the two cats alight onto the armchairs. Walking to the bar counter, he stopped in front of Atsushi and leaned against the tabletop with his arms folded.

"Good morning, love," Issay greeted.

"Good morning," Atsushi returned with a silly grin on his face.

"What's good today?" Issay asked.

"What would you like?" Atsushi asked back.

"Hm…" Issay hummed and looked around before coming back to Atsushi and saying, "You?"

"Oh, come on," Jill muttered as she scrunched her face up at Issay.

"What?" Issay smirked.

"No flirting with the staff," Jill said with an exaggerated frown and a pretentious shake of her head. It looked as if she was imitating… Atsushi.

"He's not flirting," Atsushi automatically denied with a huff.

"Who says I'm not?" Issay asked, grinning as Atsushi waggled a finger at him. Chuckling at his reaction, Issay caught Atsushi's hand and pulled it towards him to plant a kiss on the back of Atsushi's hand. "My love," he smiled.

"Not flirting, he says," Jill teased.

Flustered, Atsushi clicked his tongue at her while Issay fondled his hand. He then looked at Issay and mumbled, "I can't make you coffee if you don't give me back my hand."

Raising a suggestive eyebrow, Issay kissed his fingers before letting go with obvious reluctance. Exhaling a dejected sigh, Issay lamented, “The things I do for love.”

“Excuse me?” Atsushi laughed. “What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Sounds silly, doesn’t it? After everything we’ve been through,” Issay muttered, smiling as he watched Atsushi work.

“Mmhm,” Atsushi nodded.

“Did you talk to them?” Issay asked, his eyes following Louie who passed by behind Atsushi.

“About?”

“Us… History…,” Issay listed vaguely. “Or even something that gives them a rough idea of what’s going on.”

“Nope,” Atsushi replied with a nonchalant shrug. “They never asked again, anyway,” he added.

“I guess that’s it then,” Issay, too, shrugged. “I’ll just send them back to you if they try to ask me anything.”

“Maybe, don’t volunteer information too?” Atsushi suggested as he placed a coffee cup in front of Issay. "They might get the wrong idea."

"Love," Issay chuckled, "wouldn't the 'wrong idea' be the right one in our case?"

Atsushi paused and blinked. "Well… Hm. I guess… so?"

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but that sounds contradictory," Louie piped up.

Issay was startled, but nonetheless, he collected himself in a split second and replied, "Under normal circumstances, I would tell you that one day, you'd understand but this, obviously, is no normal circumstance."

"Under normal circumstances," Jill joined in, "Mr Sakurai would be adamant that customers stop flirting with the staff."

"Does that happen a lot?" Issay asked, concerned despite his light laugh. It can't possibly be anything pleasant if Atsushi was firm about stopping it.

"No," Atsushi sighed as he poured Issay's second cup of coffee for the day. "But there are maybe a couple of persistent ones once in a while," he added.

"Jill's popular, huh?" Issay surmised.

"Oh, no," Jill denied. "Those who try and ask me out don't usually come by more than once. Rather, it's _him_ ," she gestured at Atsushi.

Issay shot him a look. Atsushi never mentioned this.

Atsushi pursed his lips and exhaled through his nose. "Tsk, you know how it is," he muttered, obviously displeased that Jill brought it up.

"Have you dealt with them?" Issay asked, dropping his voice low.

"None of them has come by in over a month," Atsushi replied, his voice equally quiet as his eyes focused on whatever he was doing with his hands. "They've probably had their fill."

Issay felt an uncomfortable pang in his chest at that statement. "You didn't do anything."

Atsushi's eyes darted up and flashed. With gritted teeth, he whispered, "What do you want me to do? I don't have disposal services anymore. I don't have any assistance-"

"Did you speak to Hisashi?" Issay asked.

At this, Atsushi bit his tongue and drew back. "I don't want to talk about it now," he declared, closing himself off as he quickly shifted his attention away.

"Love…" Issay muttered breathlessly as his heart clenched. "Love, will you-"

"Take your coffee," Atsushi said curtly without looking up. 

"Love," Issay softened his tone and reached for Atsushi's hand. Thankfully, the younger man made no move to pull away. "Love, look at me, please."

Atsushi relented as his eyes darted up to meet Issay's. His discomfort was obvious.

"Tell me about it when we're alone?" Issay pleaded softly.

Wrinkling his nose with a frown, Atsushi muttered, "I don't know what else you want me to say."

"Talk to me," Issay replied as he stroked the back of Atsushi's hand with his thumb. "Just talk to me, please? That's all I ask."

For a tense moment, Atsushi paused but then, he gave Issay a mute nod; a wordless agreement to his request. Issay breathed a sigh of relief as he kissed Atsushi's fingers again and released his hold to let Atsushi withdraw his hand.

Instead, Atsushi took Issay's hand and held it against his cheek. With a heavy sigh, he murmured, "I love you."

"I love you," Issay returned, stroking Atsushi's cheek. Sharing a long look with him, Issay felt the ache in his chest ease away as it got replaced by a fullness that only Atsushi could give.

Eventually, Atsushi kissed Issay's palm with a small smile and as he let it go, he whispered, "Your coffee's getting cold."

"All the easier to drink," Issay responded, making sure to return the smile before he took his coffee cup and left to rejoin the cats at their table.

Issay scooped Chibi up from his seat and settled into the armchair. Even as he made himself comfortable, he didn't feel perfectly so knowing that Atsushi had been letting people take advantage of him. Issay took a sip of coffee and sighed as he forced himself to put it aside for now. He couldn't do anything if he didn't know who the offending persons were anyway.

Reaching under the table, Issay grabbed a random book and started reading. He barely paid attention, though. His eyes left the book after every line or so, either to watch Atsushi work or to look at the few customers who walked once in a while.

As the day progressed, business picked up. Sitting in his corner, Issay was very pleasantly overlooked while the guests came in, had their coffee and pastries, and played with the cats. Glad as he was that the cafe had a fairly steady stream of customers, Issay had one complaint, though; he couldn’t get up to go and smoke outside without drawing attention to himself.

So, Issay distracted himself with Boo and Chibi, waiting for lunchtime to pass, until the guests filed away before he quickly made a beeline for the backdoor with his cigarettes and lighter. Atsushi looked up with a look of curiosity in his eyes when Issay passed. Before Atsushi said anything, though, Issay did a little wave with his cigarettes and Atsushi immediately got the message, responding with a small nod of his own as he watched Issay step outside.

The air in the garden was heavy with post-downpour humidity. Combined with the heat of summer, being outside felt like being in a sauna but dressed. Issay clicked his tongue as he stuck a cigarette between his lips and lit it up; the things he did for his vice.

Issay could feel the moisture latching onto his skin as he stood there smoking. With the clouds still hanging low in the sky, the garden looked a little less vibrant than it usually did. It was probably going to rain again anyway.

Issay cast his eyes to the sky and then to the little kitchen window. Leaning against the wall, he was watching Atsushi rinse his various coffee-making apparatus when Atsushi looked up, supposedly at another customer who just walked in, and tensed. Issay frowned. That was an unusual reaction.

Issay bent lower, frowning as he tried to catch a glimpse of the customer who brought about such a response in Atsushi. But no matter how he tried to angle himself, he just simply couldn’t see who that person was even when they were at the counter placing an order. It was frustrating. Mostly because he could see the reluctance in Atsushi’s body language yet he couldn’t do anything about it; more customers were coming in.

Issay watched Atsushi direct Jill away from the counter and take her place at the cashier. From the stoic expression on Atsushi’s face, he was speaking rather tersely. A muscle in his cheek would occasionally twitch or his jaw would clench whenever that customer tossed out some sort of remark. Probably something unpleasant to the ears.

Once the customer walked away, Atsushi looked over his shoulder at Issay and gave him a wane smile. He knew Issay was watching. Issay’s frown deepened and his eyes shifted to the door. Should he go back inside regardless of the crowd? Atsushi recognised that look and immediately shook his head at Issay with a firm determination in his eyes; he could handle it.

Clenching his fists, Issay decided to take Atsushi’s word for it. This should be the end of their interaction anyway, right? Or… Not. Issay’s mood sank as he watched Atsushi bring a beverage and some sort of waffle from the counter to a particular table. The moment he bent over to place the cup and plate down, a hand reached out and grabbed his ass.

Issay slammed the flat of his fist against the window, startling Louie who was standing right next to it. With Louie’s alarmed yelp came Atsushi’s brief but sharp glare. Before Issay could respond to it, he watched Atsushi quickly turn his attention back to the customer to say something with a sneering smirk which could just about be mistaken for a suggestive one.

There Issay stood, fuming as Atsushi concluded his chat with the customer and ended up with another grope at his ass. Only when Atsushi turned away from them and to Issay did his displeasure show on his face. As Atsushi marched right past the bar counter towards the backdoor, Issay removed his cigarette from his lips. It was only then that he realised he had bitten down on the filter. Hard.

Atsushi came through the door and Issay immediately moved towards him.

“Atsushi-” “Issay-”

They both spoke and fell silent at the same time. In the long pause that ensued, they could only look at each other at arm’s length as both men waited for the other to say something. Issay could see the vexation in Atsushi’s eyes and he knew that Atsushi could see how upset he was. But even as Atsushi waited to hear from him, Issay was sure that he already knew how he felt about this. After all, they had just spoken about this very situation a mere few hours ago.

Eventually, Atsushi stepped forward and said tentatively, “Issay, I… I need you to play along.”

Issay frowned. “Play along?”

“I have a plan,” Atsushi said. “And I need you to play along with me later tonight.”

“ _Tonight_?” Issay growled.

Atsushi flinched at Issay’s sharp tone but he quickly continued, albeit with an almost-whisper, “I said I would sleep with him if he agreed to play by my rules.”

“YOU WHAT!?” Issay exploded in anger, struggling to maintain his composure as he stared at Atsushi with incredulous eyes. Had he lost his mind?

“Issay, please!” Atsushi came closer and clasped Issay’s shaking hands. “Please! Please, trust me,” he implored. “I intend to land him in a position where you can do anything you want to him,” Atsushi added. “But before that, just play along with me first. _Please_.”

Issay still could not believe what Atsushi said. If watching him from outside just now was frustrating, this was far beyond that. What was he thinking? How could he so easily put himself in physical jeopardy time and again? And for what this time?

“Why?” Issay asked in a hushed tone. “Why should I let you do this?”

“I… just… have this gut feeling,” Atsushi muttered, wincing as he struggled to find an explanation. “I can’t explain it but… I can’t do this without you.”

Issay felt his heart ache as he watched Atsushi floundering with himself. No doubt he was angry, but it hurt more that Atsushi kept throwing himself into these situations.

“And… I don’t know if I can retract the agreement without starting a commotion-”

“Just this once,” Issay started. “Just this once, I will play along,” he relented, albeit with much reluctance before adding sternly, “On the condition that this will be the last time you put your body on the line for anything ever again.”

Tears welling up in his eyes, Atsushi nodded enthusiastically and breathed, “I promise.”

“For the record, I don’t like this at all, love,” Issay muttered with a heavy sigh.

“I know,” Atsushi whined as he dropped forward and pressed his face into Issay’s shoulder. “I know and I’m sorry,” he said. “Just one last time.”

“One last time,” Issay echoed, sighing again. Oh, the things he did for his lover.


	16. 15

The look on Issay's face said it all. He was absolutely seething with rage. Even as he went along with Atsushi's requests as promised, he wore his emotions on his sleeve, letting Atsushi know exactly how much he hated watching Atsushi ride a stranger's dick.

The stranger in question, Ozaki, was splayed out on the bed and tethered to it by his four limbs, though. Having been convinced by Atsushi earlier to let him take the lead, he had happily let himself get strung along by Atsushi until Issay came into the guest room dragging a chair behind him. Atsushi saw the terror on the man’s face when he looked over his shoulder earlier. It pleased him greatly to see his harasser react like this. Though, anyone would with Issay glaring at them so hard he could practically burn holes in their skull.

With his back facing Ozaki, Atsushi gyrated his hips and sighed breathily as he ran his hands all over his lingerie-clad body. He had to make sure to put on a show for Issay who was sitting right in front of him. Even if he wanted Issay to be angry, he didn’t want that anger to be directed at him. He hadn’t forgotten what happened the last time Issay lost his temper at him.

Atsushi slid his hand down his body to palm his erection which was already straining against the thin, lacy fabric of his panties. Closing his hand in a squeeze, he arched his back and exhaled a shuddering sigh from the jolt of pleasure he just gave himself. Even if the dick was subpar, he could still satisfy himself. Although… Issay would be best no matter what.

As Atsushi reached for Issay with a hand, Issay stood up from his chair with a creak. Issay sucked in a long breath through his cigarette, the fifth he lit up since he first walked in. He paused for a moment before he began stalking towards Atsushi. Issay’s eyes were fixed on Ozaki throughout and even when he stood in front of Atsushi, within his reach, Issay continued glaring at Ozaki, refusing to let the intensity in his eyes up.

Atsushi took hold of Issay’s free hand, intertwining their fingers together as he continued moving his hips. Issay gently cupped Atsushi’s cheek with that hand, stroking it before tracing his jaw and sticking his thumb into Atsushi’s open mouth without looking at him.

Then, Issay spoke. “Enjoying yourself?”

Removing Issay’s thumb from his lips, Atsushi licked his index finger and purred, “I’d enjoy myself more on my husband’s dick.”

That particular phrasing made a corner of Issay’s lips twitch, but only slightly. Regardless, Atsushi knew that he had left some sort of effect on Issay. Even if Issay wasn’t looking at him, he smiled and fluttered his eyelashes at his lover, doubling his efforts to appeal to Issay while deliberately making a mess of sucking his fingers.

When Issay’s eyes finally shifted down to look at him, Atsushi slowed his movements down and brought his hands to the yukata that Issay wore. No longer staring at the stranger, Issay had a considerably softer expression on his face, turning his glare into a loving gaze as he watched Atsushi undo the knot which held his robe close. The knot was Issay’s usual; a simple tie that came apart with the pull of a loose end. Curling his fingers around the sash, Atsushi gave it a light tug and Issay's yukata opened up, revealing Issay's undressed body to him

Atsushi felt the chill of a thrill running over his body as he eyed Issay's dick. Staring at it, he started rocking his hips again, occasionally looking up to meet Issay's gaze as he filled his head with thoughts of riding Issay. Fingers weaved through Atsushi's hair, gently grasping before closing into a fist to simulate a firm hair pull. Dropping his head back with the pull, Atsushi's lips parted in a quiet moan of satisfaction.

Through half-lidded eyes, Atsushi saw the glint of desire in Issay's eyes as he broke into a smile and said, "Open your mouth for me, love."

More than happy to please Issay, Atsushi paused his gyrating again and obediently opened wider. He stayed still as he knelt in place, waiting patiently until Issay slid his half-erect dick into his mouth. The moment Issay touched his lips, Atsushi moved his tongue and pressed against Issay's head before rubbing along the length of Issay's dick as the man pushed in.

Issay watched quietly as Atsushi met his eyes and started bobbing his head. It didn't take much for Atsushi to get Issay fully erect and before long, he could feel Issay's hardness filling his mouth. Issay casually patted his head and stroked his hair as Atsushi drew his head back to pucker his lips and suck on Issay's glans. Issay jerked slightly when Atsushi went on to press his tongue into his frenulum and lick his shaft.

Pleased that Issay was affected, Atsushi smiled and slid Issay's twitching erection back into his mouth. He pushed forward until Issay hit the back of his throat. Then, he tightened his throat, mimicking swallowing as he pulled away, moving Issay's dick out against the suction of his throat. Issay let out a soft groan as his grip on Atsushi's hair grew taut. And just as Issay reached the front of Atsushi's mouth, he started jerking his hips, fucking Atsushi's mouth with a firm hold on his head.

Atsushi grabbed Issay's thighs in return, bracing himself as he let his jaw loose to let Issay do what he wanted with him. His eyes watered from fighting his gag reflex and Issay's rough handling, and his saliva was dribbling down the side of his mouth but Atsushi was loving it. After all, there was nothing better than having Issay come in his mouth and getting to drink it all up while Issay combed his hair with his fingers.

Atsushi took Issay's dick out of his mouth with a fairly loud pop. The way Issay looked at him made Atsushi's heart race and his cheeks flush. It felt as if they were in their own world, as if their third wheel no longer existed.

Smoking the last of his cigarette, Issay's fingers delicately traced the black straps of Atsushi's matching sheer lace camisole, making Atsushi's skin fire up with heat whenever his fingers touched his skin. Eventually, Issay stubbed his cigarette out on the footboard of the bed and slipped his hands under the fabric's centre split to wrap his arms around Atsushi's body. Hugging tight, Issay picked him up and relieved Atsushi of the stranger's dick.

Atsushi, in turn, automatically snaked his arms around Issay's neck and clasped his legs around Issay's waist. Clinging to Issay, Atsushi could no longer care less about the stranger. All that mattered now was Issay.

Turning away from the bed, Issay carried Atsushi to the corner of the room where the dresser table was and sat Atsushi down on the tabletop. Yanking the dresser's drawer open, Issay took out a bottle of lube. Atsushi grabbed it and cracked it open while Issay held one hand out and fished for condoms with the other.

Noticing this, Atsushi slapped Issay's wrist with a petulant, "No."

Issay raised an amused eyebrow. "No?"

"Raw," Atsushi replied. "I want to  _ feel _ my husband's dick," he purred.

Issay's lips twitched again at the mention of that phrase. "Can't say no then, can I?" he chuckled, sliding the drawer close as Atsushi squeezed a generous amount of lubricant into his palm.

Slapping the bottle shut, Atsushi put it aside and watched Issay slather his erection in lube. Once coated, Issay came closer and took a moment to align himself with Atsushi before pushing himself in with a soft sigh. Wasting no time, Issay started thrusting and Atsushi’s voice pitched in an ecstatic whine as the coolness of the lube turned into heat, bringing a satisfaction that Atsushi could only ever get when he felt this close to Issay with him inside like this. 

Seated on the dresser with his legs pushed back, the angle Issay put Atsushi in was just right for Issay to hit his prostate. While Issay was visibly happy about this, it was overwhelming for Atsushi. Curling his toes and digging his nails into Issay’s back, he could barely think as wave after wave of pleasure inundated his senses until eventually, everything melded together, filling him with pure, unadulterated bliss.

With half-lidded eyes, Atsushi met Issay’s adoring gaze on his flushed complexion as he breathed heavily from his effort. Nuzzling him with a soft smile of his own, Atsushi pulled Issay closer and basked in the man’s gentle caresses and affection while he gradually came down from his sexual high.

Atsushi was resting his head on Issay’s shoulder when he felt Issay tighten his embrace and lift him again. Suddenly feeling too tired to react, Atsushi closed his eyes and let Issay take him wherever. After all, whatever he had actually  _ planned _ for had already run its course.

Atsushi was vaguely aware of Issay scaling the steps to the second floor. He was, admittedly, surprised. He didn’t think that Issay could do this with no problems. Not that he was underestimating his lover, but Issay was, honestly, a stick of a man compared to him.

A moment later, fluorescent light crept into Atsushi’s eyes and he finally lifted his head to see that Issay had brought him to the bathroom. Issay slowly let Atsushi down, giving him time to find his footing before saying, “I ran the bathwater earlier. It should still be warm.”

“You’re not joining me?” Atsushi asked, feeling slightly disappointed.

“I,” Issay started while fastening his yukata back up, “am going to deal with our guest downstairs.”

“Ah…” Atsushi had honestly forgotten that Ozaki was still tied up on the bed.

“Once I’m done with him, I’ll come back and join you,” Issay said before kissing Atsushi on the lips. “Until then, you can take your time to wash up and soak in the bath,” he added. “I promise I won’t be long.”

Closing his eyes as he sighed, Atsushi nodded mutely and earned himself another peck on his forehead. Issay hugged him again and whispered, “I’ll be right back,” before finally leaving Atsushi to his own devices.

Atsushi sighed and looked down at his soiled lingerie. Well, he best get washing. 


End file.
